I don't even know
by lolswhovian
Summary: Lola Morgan is a normal American girl who got the chance of her life, working at the set of The Mortal Instruments: City of Glass. However, when she gets there, a surprise awaits here and things go the wrongest way possible. Rated M for future sex. And language. Disclaimer: Lola Morgan, Jason Starx, Emma Sivtz, and Amanda Bransfield, Melina belong to me. The actors don't, saddly.
1. It begins

Lola got down the bus and looked around absently, feeling in the air and beauty of Toronto. She looked at the long way yet to come and felt her throat tighten. She had always wanted that, she was going to work as an assistant of the costume's director of the movie The Mortal Instruments: City of Glass along with one of her friends, Amanda. She knew she would have to work part-time at a diner and it would not be easy, but it was all worth it. Volunteering for the job was one her wisest ideas and she was thankful to Melina, her boss, for giving her this opportunity. A thud woke Lola up from her trance and she looked at Amanda who had just woken up from her own trance and bumped into the red-haired fashion editor.

"You should pay more attention when you're walking, Lola." The blond scowled at her while looking at the road that led to the set. "This is it! I'm so giddy!"

"Aren't you nervous? I'm nervous like hell, my hands won't stop shaking."

"It's only, my dear friend –" Amanda started walking and gestured with her head for Lola to follow her. "Because you are going to meet Kevin Zegers and your stomach has been doing the most disgusting things to you since we left New York."

Lola started chocking in her own breath and took a deep soothing one and tried to slow down her pace so Amanda could keep up with her, since the girl was half jogging to do so. "It's not that, OK? The whole cast, besides –"

"WATCH OUT!" A golden white sort of blur crossed Amanda and hit Lola right away, bringing her down the hard floor of the set's parking lot where all the trailers for cast and crew were, also a few cars. Luckily she didn't hit her head too hard as to fall unconscious, however a throbbing came down on her.

"What the real FUCK?" The strong tempered red-headed yelled while her vision came to adjust again and she realized who the one that dropped her on the floor was. What made her no less angry. "Would you get the hell out of me?"

"Someone has a dirty mouth and a temper." The heavy skinny weight on top of Lola said with a smirk on his face.

As Jamie did not get himself up, Lola pulled him with all her strength and helped herself up, cleaning up her jeans and jacket. "Thankfully I was wearing jeans, see? If I had wore the dress you picked for me, that'd be even worse than what it already was." She said while picking up her things and stalked out of there, pulling Amanda by the arm.

"Would you calm down? That was Jamie Bower! You could have been less rude. Besides, he was just playing around with the ball."

"You weren't the one who almost passed out on the floor! I was, now let's look for Harald Zwart."

"Melina said we should call him to tell him we've arrived."

"When did she say that?"

"When you and Jason were discussing Miley Cyrus's outfit for Mockingjay's red carpet." The blond sighed, a sigh very well know by Lola. The sigh that meant that whatever Lola would be doing at the time, Amanda thought it was stupid.

Lola just smiled slightly and got her iPhone out of her pocket, handing it to Amanda. "You deal better with people than I do."

"Well, now, why would you think that?" The blond girl took the phone hastily and turned the other way, as if for a privacy not needed. Amanda has always been the queen bee's sidekick type of girl and that usually bothered Lola but Amanda has been nothing but nice to her and Lola owed her a lot. If it were not for Amanda's financial help, Lola would have never made to the set. Amanda was filth rich, what made the red-headed wonder time after time why her Ivy League friend was working as an assistant at a fashion magazine, instead of owning one. Her parents had, obviously, enough money to do so. However the weirdest thing about Amanda was that wherever Lola would go and whatever she would do, the blond would want the exactly same thing and it involved silly things from going to a café to working as volunteer in the staff of a film Amanda knew nothing about. According to the blond, she wanted to meet the cast because they were wall very beautiful wealthy men.

"He is going to meet us here." Amanda finally said while handing Lola the phone back.

"Great. I'm very curious about something though."

"What is it?"

"Melina said Zwart had a special assignment for me. I wonder what that could be."

"Well, according to her—" Amanda lit a cigarette and handed Lola another one, helping her lighting it. "You will be given the hardest assignment, what was a relief to me because by the way she was talking, well, it sounded like a really hard job, if you know what I mean?"

"I just hope I don't get stuck mending tears and cleaning up bathrooms. I mean, I don't mind it a bit… But I want to do something more meaningful. Like working Magnus's wardrobe."

They just stood there waiting and Lola took the opportunity to contemplate the view. The trailers were all lined neatly, with just the right amount of space between them and when she looked a bit further, people were working on the setting of Alicante, she recognized it. She was amazed by how they had found such space in Toronto. The crew was immense and she knew she would never memorize everyone's name. She saw huge men carrying tree trunk shaped props and others were carrying pieces of the demon towers and she giggled a little, feeling immensely happy although her nerves were killing her and anxiety eating her up. That was when she spotted him, opening the door of his trailer, almost right in front of her. Her heart sped up and missed a few beats on the way while her stomach started to turn and turn again inside of her. _I am a fucking editor of freaking awesome fashion magazine and I'm being eaten up inside out by a nearly-forty year old beautifully blue-eyed man._ The girl sighed and, after realizing he was struggling with the door and his bags, went to help the blue-eyed man who has been building up nervousness inside of her. Lola opened up the door to the trailer while holding her two bags on one hand and indicated for him to enter the trailer with her head.

"Uh – Thank you." Kevin just stared at Lola blinkingly, what made her stomach turn again and she thanked heavens she had not had breakfast that morning.

"You're welcome." The girl said in almost a whisper while lowering her face to look at the trailers mini-stairs as if they were the most interesting sight at range.

"What's your name? I don't believe we've met." He asked while climbing up the stairs and dumped his bags inside the trailer.

"I'm Lola, I'm new." Lola managed to look into his eyes again and regretted it immediately, praying for someone to take her out of her misery.

"I'm Ke—"

"I know who you are. I'm a fan of Cassandra's books, and Gossip Girl. Actually, I really admire your work. Transamerica is a great movie and Air Bud as well. Also Murder on the Iditarod Trail, Life With Mikey, Four Days. To sum it up, a really long list." She smiled and almost hit her head on the trailer's wall. Wishing for someone, anyone to come and rescue her. However, Amanda seemed to have disappeared and was nowhere to be found within Lola's view.

"Wow, you know about my most forgotten projects. Thank you!" Kevin said and a smile spread through his face, from his lips to his beautiful hypnotic blue eyes. Lola's throat was knotting again and she thought that this was it, she was never going to speak again when, out of nowhere - at least not that Lola noticed, she was too distracted to notice life around her - a hand dropped on her shoulder and the owner of that hand was very well known by her . "Hey Jamie." Kevin said cheerfully while climbing down to hug his friend.

Lola swallowed hard and took a deep breath while both actors chatted, and her phone rang. It was her salvation, the only person who would make her talk at that moment. "Jason!" She picked up while a huge smile spread itself on her face and took a deep breath of relief.

"Hey, Lols. You're being missed at the magazine. Girls are going crazy without you to shield them from Melina's attacks." He laughed on the other side of the phone.

"Their problem, weren't they happy to have break from me? Oh well, Zara got her wish and now she's replacing me in the suffering. Life is beautiful."

"True story. So, 'sup?"

Lola could not help but giggle a little and turn around to change her position when she spotted Zwart coming with Amanda in her direction, although a little far. "Bro, I have to go, I'm sorry. Business."

"Girl, there's something called fun. Have you heard of it?"

"My job is fun, all right?"

"I kid but you hurt."

"Bye, J. Call you back." She said while heading toward Zwart and Amanda, who had stopped right by Jamie and Kevin. Lola braced herself on the way to where they were, thinking about all the male beautiful models she has been around and dated ever since she started at the magazine. But he was different, she did not know why, he just was.

"You must be Lola." Zwart said and smiled at her while offering her his hand, which she took and shook slightly.

"Nice to meet you, Sir." The editor said, smiling and bowing lightly her head as a sign of respect.

"No formalities, please. You may call me Zwart or Harald." The director sighed and looked at Jamie, holding the boy by the shoulders patiently. "Your assignment. Well, your main assignment. And as an addition, you will be assisting the Costume Director when he is not getting you in trouble."

Lola's mouth dropped open slightly and she felt her body stiffen. _What the actual fuck?_ The girl thought about making a run for it, but the man standing by Jamie reminded her that this was her dream, working at a movie – specially one she was a fan of – as costume anything. So she put herself together. "What does it mean?"

"You'll have to wake him up and make sure he doesn't come scowling at everyone, make sure he doesn't get into trouble when we're not filming… Think of it as baby-sitting."

"Hey, that's not fair. And I bet she'd rather baby sit Kevin." A grin played on Jamie's lips.

"Anyone but you would be just fine with me. But it's OK. Am I allowed to punish him?"

"As long as you don't hurt his pretty face and keep him up to duty, you're allowed to do to him whatever it is you want. I showed your friend your trailer and you got my e-mail with the schedule, right?"

"Yes, thank you."

"I need your phone number, and you'll need mine. Also, get Jamie's and someone else's who's got a car here. You'll need it." He looked crossly at Jamie and left babbling something about how Lola should get his number with someone from the cast or crew. The director did not even give her time to tell him she had his phone number.

"I have his number and a car. Right now, I really need a shower. You may drop by my trailer later. I think about ten." Kevin offered and Lola's heart sped up.

"I have his number and yours, Kevin, not to worry." Jamie said, involving the red-headed with one arm and smiling.

"Then I shall go, shower awaits me. Nice to meet you, Lola—" Kevin said while walking toward his trailer and added, looking at Amanda. "And you too."

Lola turned to Jamie, feeling all her rage burn up. "If you don't take your arm off of me, I'll take your tiny little... Well, you know?" She looked down. "Off."

Jamie took his arm off of her shoulders. "Look, we got off the wrong foot…"

"You dropped me to the floor and were nothing but arrogant and rude! And I'm supposed to baby sit you? I'm gonna kill you!"

"I'm sorry. Restart?"


	2. Trailers, Robert and other stuff

Hi, I've got one review! Yay! I hope you do keep on reading it tho. I'd be really glad. Anyway, I'm not spoiling. But I'm really glad you liked it.

I am still learning how to use FFnet, so please be patient with me. By the way, I have until the 5th chapter written, so the more reviews I get, the more chapters I'll post.

Feel free to request a character's POV. Next chapter, a bit of Jamie's POV. Just a bit.

* * *

_"I'm sorry. Restart?" _

He smiled so sweetly that Lola thought for a second that he was really innocent and not the slightest bit threatening human being she had thought he was. However the look in his eyes made her shiver and remember who she was talking to. At the end of a minute of fighting her feelings of hate and need for peace, she decided it would be better peace since they would be working together.

"Fine."

"Welcome to the family Lola." He said, offering her a hand.

"Thank you." Lola shook his hand and looked at Amanda, who looked definitely irritated. "Well, I have to go with my friend, Amanda, to our trailer. When we drop our things there, I'll be at your trailer. Is there anything you need?"

"Well –" Jamie checked her out from head to toe and Lola took a deep breath, a scowl on her face. "Nothing then."

Amanda pulled her friend with a tight grip at her hand and stalked out rushing a goodbye at Jamie. The way to trailer was silent and Lola took this opportunity to look around and recognized a few people, from the cast, walking around. She also took time to observe how the crew worked fast and the make-up staff could be recognized from miles away, with their make-up containers and perfect detailed make up, and black clothing. It made her shiver a little. By the time they reached the trailer, Amanda turned around and bit her lip.

"I'm sorry." Lola said, feeling guilty without knowing exactly why. It was always like that, she would always feel guilty for things she did not do to her friend.

"I don't get you, you play all hard to get with Jamie and now you're friends with him."

"Amanda, I'm gonna be responsible for him. Better having him as a friend, don't you think?" Lola scowled and stalked up the stairs, entering the trailer. Amanda followed her.

"I was just saying… I had my eyes on him first." She said while dropping her things on the mattress Lola supposed she had chosen, far from the door and Lola dropped her bags and backpack on the one near the door. The trailer was bigger than Lola had thought and it had this vintage simple touch to it. Really simple indeed. It had no windows and only one big plain lamp attached to the wall near her bed. There was a door on the opposite side of it, and Lola thought it should be the bathroom. No trunks, no containers nor furniture except by a television and telephone that were sitting on a long coffee table.

"Aff… Amanda, you can have him to yourself. I'm here to work. Get autographs and work. By the way, I leave at eight p.m. and I'll be back at about one a.m., because I have to work and all."

"Sure, whatever. They don't even get us real beds or bunk beds, at least."

"Why don't you check into a hotel? I mean, you can."

"It's more fun here. Besides, I find it best to be near the hot guys." The blond winked at Lola and grinned. That sort of evil grin villains have when they are about to slice the good guy in two. Amanda could be scary sometimes.

"OK, I'm gonna go over there… By the way, what's your assignment? Besides assisting the costume director?"

Amanda's grin died and she had that look, a look very well known by Lola. Which meant that she did not get her way. "I will be cleaning the boys' trailers and mending costumes." She sighed and walked into the bathroom.

Lola climbed down the stairs of the trailer and started heading to Jamie's. She was still amused and amazed, everything seemed like a dream and a nightmare all at the same. She was staring when Robert Sheehan got to his trailer, which was besides Jamie's. He smiled at her and she smiled back. She did not know why someone of the cast would give her the time of the day for no reason at all, but Robert was known for being someone really sweet. She noticed that he was approaching her and stiffened.

"Cool jacket."

It was then that she noticed she had her Star Wars designed jacket on, which was a gift from an unknown designer. "Thank you. It was a gift, from a friend. It's exclusive." She asked herself why she was saying that, it sounded snobby.

"I've never met a fancy nerd before. I'm Robert, and you are?"

"Lola, Lola Morgan. I'm assigned as Jamie's —" She looked for a word that would not make her sound like some high-schooler without money to buy a ticket to the movies. "Assistant." The girl wanted to kill herself for that.

"You're the victim then. Harald had warned him. Good luck. I hope they pay you well."

"Thanks. So do I." If only he knew she was working for free and only because her boss was friends with Zwart. "I probably should go, but it was really nice talking to you. We should talk more any time soon, about stuff."

"Sure, nerds are always welcomed to talk to me about… Stuff." He nodded.

"Bye." Lola said as she walked to Jaime's trailer. She felt a little dizzy because of the day she was having, probably. A lot of things were happening and she had met the whole main male cast, except for Godfrey. Lola froze at the thought of meeting Godfrey Gao. _I will look like a stupid teenager._ She thought while climbing up the stairs of Jamie's trailer and bracing herself for the worst. Instead, Jamie's space was quite the same as hers, clothes all over and books stacked in a corner. His trailer had furniture – a bed, a coffee table where the television stood by the phone, a nightstand by the bed where a lamp was set, the shelf where his books were organized and a closet across from the bed. _Amanda is gonna freak the hell out when she sees the cast's trailers_. She thought, and finally realized a Jamie getting out of the bathroom towel in hand and another around his waist.

"Knocking is something I really appreciate, you know?" He said trying to sound serious but the smirk on his lips betrayed him.

Lola crossed her arms and sighed in exasperation, shaking her head. "I told you I was coming right away."

"I thought you'd appreciate me showering before… Well, having some fun." He looked from Lola to the bed.

The girl shook her head again and walked toward him. "I'm gonna clear something out, I don't like being hit on and I don't appreciate this kind of joke when we don't even know each other." She was snapping and looking into his eyes. She hadn't noticed before how deeply Jamie could look into someone's eyes, it was as if all the blue in his eyes were an ocean about to drown her. The editor swallowed hard and crossed her arms again. She was so mad she didn't even realize having uncrossed her arms and that her finger was almost poking Jamie's nose.

The golden haired boy sighed and rolled his eyes. "I don't understand you, any girl would be just happy, you know?"

Lola threw her hands up in the air. "That's the problem with pretty blond famous boys! I hang out around men who look way better than you and are much more pleasant, it doesn't make me wanna having them hit on me or invite me to their beds."

"If I were Kevin tho…"

At that, Lola blushed violently and turned around to hide her face, cursing under her breath. "I thought you wanted to be friends. I'll be waiting outside." She said in a low voice and left, sitting on the stairs, staring at her snickers.


	3. Burgers and Efforts

As asked by my only reader, the third chapter is here.

Anyway, I wanted to write something different. It's from the weirdest dream I've had one day. And I think that many girls in the fandom would relate to Lola. Idk. But I'm really happy you like it. (:

* * *

Jamie dressed himself quickly, putting on a blue sleeveless shirt and a pair of black jeans. On his way out, he got his jacket and left. "May I sit here?" He asked staring down at the red-headed girl who looked like a kicked puppy and sighed, rolling his eyes. She remained in silence but slipped to the edge of the step, making room for him. Jamie set beside her while dressing his jacket and rested his arms on his knees. He looked at the girl who was playing with her shoelaces and had this blank look in her eyes. The actor did not understand why he felt his throat ache a bit and his heart contract. Jamie drove, hesitantly, one hand to hers and intertwined his fingers on hers, what made the girl look at him shocked. "I'm sorry, I do want us to be friends. I won't tell him a word. I swear."

"Hm… " Lola took a deep breath and Jamie noticed that the skin in her neck tightened in a way he had never seen before. He scowled himself for that thought. "I don't know if I can trust you, Jamie. I mean, you act really weird all the time and you have the ability to drive me madder than I have ever been at someone I couldn't bring myself to hate." She admitted and a slight blush took place on her cheeks, making Jamie instantly bit his lower lip.

"You don't hate me?"

"No, you work hard to make me hate you, but I just can't bring myself to do so. I always think about the way you look when you're singing… And all my hate seems to fade."

"What do I look like when I'm singing?" He was so intrigued by that statement, he hadn't even noticed the way his thumb was caressing Lola's hand slightly. The sight of it made something move inside his stomach and his throat feel like closing and all air pulling away from his lungs.

"Peaceful… Like nothing could touch you and you mean every single word. When you're singing and playing the guitar, you look even… Beautiful." She said and stood up abruptly, cleaning her jeans with her palms.

"Let's go eat something."

"What?" She looked puzzled and Jamie could not help a laugh while standing up. She was so different from everything. He thought about the way she looked at him, as though he was the worst thing that ever happened to earth and it made him feel a little sad, but just a little.

"We need to get to know each other, be friends. What better way than that?"

"I –" Lola bit her lower lip and a million weird thoughts came to Jamie's blond head until he realized that she may be out of money.

"My treat. As peace offering."

"First of all, I don't accept men paying me things."

"I'm not men. I'm Jamie and I'm hungry, almost midday. Also, it's a peace offering and you should take it if you don't want me hitting on you all the time." He smiled, trying hard not to pinch her red cheeks as fury began to take her face.

"You're a low bastard, you knew that?" Lola said while punching him hard on the arm. "All right, I'll take it."

"Fantastic! By the way, you hit like a boy."

"Aff! I hit like me. It doesn't matter if I'm a girl or a boy. So just shush and let's go before I change my mind." The girl started walking and Jamie followed her.

"Would you hit me again if I offered you my arm?" He asked staring at her hair, it was this weird shade of red – not bright red, not wine, something in between.

"OK, but know you walk among fire pits centurion." Lola offered him her arm, and Jamie took it instantly as if he were anxious for that simple closeness. He really wanted to be friends with her, he hoped that was it.

"Doctor Who!"

"How do you know it?"

"I like it. I haven't watched it all, but I like it."

"If you want to be friends with me, Doctor Who is the best way to start."

Jamie noticed that the girl had this beautiful wide smile on her face and the way she had brightened up when they started talking about the show, she was obviously passionate about it. Jamie had never seen someone talking so passionately about something, let alone a tv show. She looked even more beautiful talking about the show, going to the extremes of laughs and cries when talking about the episodes and lightening up even more when she tried to explain how River and the Doctor had the perfect relationship for a timelord and a half timelord – which ended up on her wiping tears from her eyes. _Lovely_, Jamie thought.

"Where are we eating anyway?"

"I have a car, you know?" Jamie took his keys off of his pocket.

Lola looked at him puzzled. "But Zwart said… About the phone number, someone with a car."

"I tend to drink and get lost… Not my fault." Jamie said in a low voice and abandoned Lola's arm, walking toward his car. Soon he opened it and got in. Lola stood there a minute, admiring the Jaguar and Jamie thought she would not go for it, but soon she was moving toward the vehicle and set right next to him, fastening her belt.

"Your belt." Lola said and suddenly started buckling Jamie's belt, having her hair so close to his face made its smell invade Jamie. It smelled like vanilla and blueberries. "Safe now."

"You talk like a mom."

"Oh no, I don't! By the way, start the car, will you? I think I see Amanda there and I'm not in the mood to deal with her drooling over your stupid face." Lola hissed and rested her head on the back of her seat. Jamie started the car.

"Happy, mom?" He asked mockingly and Lola just nodded while closing her eyes, she seemed to enjoy the wind on her face. "What kind of food do you like?"

"Whatever you want to eat, you're paying." She looked at him, smiling.

Jamie sighed and scowled at the girl, using all his strength to do so since it was hard having her smiling at him and the golden boy started to curse himself for that. "Peace offering means I have to make it up to you, so you choose."

"All right…" The girl looked at him with a doubtful look and hummed while possibly deciding what she wanted. "Burgers?" She asked, biting her lip.

"Whatever you want, my lady."

"Oh no! You can't! Zwart e-mailed me your diet!"

"It starts tomorrow, my dear."

"Will you stop with the pet names? I'm Lola, my name already is a sort of short name, so stick to it." She took her phone from her pocket and took an exasperate breath. "Amanda is a lovely friend, but she can be annoying." She whispered to herself and Jamie almost missed it.

"Why?"

"Girl stuff." Lola waved away his question.


	4. Pride and Kindness

Thanks for the review wife, ily

Thanks for the two follows I got. (It's pretty exciting for me, OK?)

Rose, I miss your reviews. (:

Here's the next chapter. This when Jamie and Lola really start becoming friends and I really enjoyed writing it. (: I hope you like it.

* * *

After two weeks working at set and mainly watching after Jamie and cleaning up his messes, besides working at the diner, Lola was beaten but had never been happier. Despite the fact that she had not said a work to Kevin besides "good morning/afternoon" and "excuse me", things were going great. She managed to spend a Sunday afternoon talking to Robert about why time-travel was possible and why magic could be possible if it were not for minimal details. That was the afternoon Kevin had taken Jamie to play video games and watch movies at his place. Unsurprisingly, talking to Godfrey was not that easy, he was very shy and she was always nervous around him because whenever she looked at him dressed as Magnus, her fangirl dirty mind ran over to Malec. Besides the fact that Godfrey had this thing about him that would make even Melina – who was as scary as one could be – feel like jelly. Jemima and Lily were very sweet to her, she did not know if was because they pitied her or they were just really nice people, maybe both. Since Lola was always running and stressing, and wishing Jamie would get into a coma for a week so she could have some peace, people would just help her out of pity or compassion. Even Jamie would lay low during the hours she was at the diner because he knew she could not go running to rescue him of whatever trouble he got himself into.

She was coming back from the diner, holding on to a burger that a client had refused himself to eat and she had been saving it for post dinner. Lola was always nervous walking around this late at night, although she was getting used to it. The red-headed girl took a deep breath and kept walking, freezing wind hurting her skin and breaking through it; all she could think about was her mattress that was waiting for her. Suddenly a rock came out of nowhere – what usually happened to her when she was lost inside her own mind – and she tripped, her burger lost in the drain and she cursed under her breath, hunger eating her from the inside. Lola stood up and reached her limit, kicking the sidewalk all the way back to the set and cursing her life in Spanish. When she got to the set, Lola realized she did not want to go to her trailer, so she just set down in Jamie's stairs, took a deep breath, and started to cry. Nobody should hear her, since they were all sleeping. She held her knees and bit her lip to contain her sobs when she heard a noise, door opening. Her stomach dropped when she realized she had woken up Jamie. Instantly, the girl wiped her tears and stood up without any grace.

"I – I'm so sorry, I d – didn't mean to wake you up." She said feeling heat descend upon her cheeks.

"You didn't. I was up, reading, and heard a noise. What are you doing here? You just came from work, you should rest. You already get so little sleep, being awake here in the cold will do you no good." He said climbing down the stairs. Jamie was so confident that he could look cool even in his blue checked flannel pajamas and a jeans jacket.

"Yeah, I'll go now." Lola said and turned, walking toward her trailer.

"Wait!" He walked to Lola and held her arm. "You're not fine, are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm so fine, I couldn't be better." She looked at Jamie and smiled, trying to sound convincing but the crack on her voice betrayed her and she started to cry.

Jamie held the girl tight and rested his face on the top of her hair, making her eyes fly open in shock. "Before you say anything, I'm your friend and you need a hug so here is one. Just shut up for a bit." Lola had no response to that, she just held him back by the waist and rested her face on his chest, sobbing and crying all her stress and hunger out. The warmth and kindness that came from Jamie helped easing her pain, and she did not want to let go.

After that, they went to his trailer and she opened up to him, him of all people. Jamie gave her some chocolate he had hidden and she gave him one of those talks best friends give one another and that made him feel warm inside, she trusted him and that was good.

"As I could trust you about the other thing, I think I can trust you with this thing. I'm sorry to bother you with such stupid things. After all, it was my decision to come here." She sighed and kept playing with Jamie's pillow, turning it around and around. He could not hide a smile taking over his lips.

"What thing?" He grinned as she instantly looked at him narrowly. "And stop saying you bother me."

"You know what thing, Jamie Campbell Bower."

"I'd appreciate you calling me by my first name or pudding, whichever you prefer." He said, laughing a little. "Let's go."

"Where?"

"Market+."

"Why?"

"Aff, you have to have food to eat. By the way, do you have a fridge there?" Jamie stood up and took off his pajamas pants, making Lola blush and look to the other wall.

"Yeah, they installed one this week. And you should've told me you were going to change."

At that, Jamie laughed and looked at her tenderly. "You look almost sweet when you're embarrassed. But you can look, I'll let you."

"I'd rather look at wall for the whole night than you semi-naked, believe me."

"You have to be mean." He said and approached the girl, offering a hand. "You want my help?"

"I don't need your pity."

"It's not pity, Lola. Don't you have any friends?" Jamie was starting to lose his patience and pulled her from the bed. Lola almost tripped and slapped him on the arm.

"I do, OK? They just – They don't do this kind of thing for me. " She said, recomposing herself.

"They should, friends do these kind of things all the time. Come on."

"I'm not going, Jamie. You're not gonna buy me out, if that's what you're thinking about doing."

"Look –" Jamie lost it, how could she be accusing him of that? "I don't know why you hate me so much OK? I'm trying so hard to be your friend. Damn, I know I piss you off and, bloody hell, I'm not your best pal Robbie but I really care about you! You help me so much all the time. You take care of me with such patience. I know it's your job, but they don't even pay you and you do it with such dedication. I want to do something nice for you to thank you for everything." He snapped and turned to the door, opening it. "Are you coming or not?"

Lola followed the actor and stopped by his side. "I'm sorry, and thank you." She put her hand on Jamie's shoulder and stretched out to reach his cheek, leaving a kiss there. What was a small gesture that made every heartbeat inside of Jamie speed up instantly. Then she started down the stairs.


	5. Desiré and Sleep

"You're not stepping in, Desiré!"

"But I am assigned to his make up today and I have to start now."

"Jamie didn't sleep well last night, he needs his sleep. Give him another hour, will you?" Lola was losing her temper. The cold winter and the fact that she had to wear jeans and an overcoat didn't help her mood, all that added to the lack of sleep last night brought her. Jamie bought her a lot of food, he said he was her fairy godparent and would grant her that one wish. The fact that he was happy about helping her did not minimize how she felt, completely helpless. She really was not used to people taking care of her that was not how life had worked for her so far.

"One hour, Morgan! One and that's it."

"One hour, it's all I'm asking."

"Aff, you're gonna get me in trouble one of these days. Why do you always cover for him?"

"I am not doing it for him only, it's also for you so you don't have a mister grumpy pants to work with." Lola sighed and lit a cigarette.

"Whatever, one hour." Desiré pointed out and left.

"She's pretty tough huh?"

Lola knew that voice so well, her whole body stiffened and she wished for Jason to call her so bad. Her heart was racing and her breath uneven. She turned and looked into the most striking blue eyes she had ever seen. "Yep –" It was all she managed because her throat felt like closing and her brain wanted to say all the things she was feeling and maybe do some screaming.

"May I have one?" He pointed to Lola's cigarette pack and she handed it to him. "Thank you." Kevin got one and gave the pack back to her.

"You're welcome."

"Why don't we talk?"

"I don't know." But she knew, very well. She could not believe he wanted to talk to her.

"How's Jamie been treating you?"

"He's been nice, too nice actually. He wants us to be friends." Lola laughed silently and sighed. "Which is still weird."

"Jamie is hard work, I know. But he is a really good guy and he is extremely focused on everything he does." Kevin leaned against Jamie's trailer wall.

"Specially his song. I mean, have you seen him when he's singing and playing? It's really beautiful, his passion."

"As is yours."

"Huh?" At that, Lola felt a brutal heat up her cheeks and widened her eyes, feeling all her logical responses flying away from her brain.

"I mean, you're always so passionate about the costumes. Yesterday, you were yelling at someone because they had chosen the wrong boot for Isabelle. You were yelling and being really aggressive but there was love in your eyes. That's beautiful too."

"Uh – Thanks. But really, how can someone think that a thick heel will do? Gosh, I wish I could just hit someone in the head with that thing, it was so awful. Besides it was too small, we're talking about Isabelle here. Not Clary." Lola could not contain her nervousness, but it was becoming easier to think clearly. Especially since Kevin got to a point in the conversation she had a lot to say about.

A laugh escaped Kevin's lips. "You were pretty scary out there. And when you're handling Jamie, you're even scarier."

"Thank you, I do my best." She smiled and felt that her stomach was not turning anymore and her legs felt more secure than when Kevin approached her. Maybe she could finally talk to him without turning into butter. "Jamie takes me to a whole new level of irritated and annoyed. And I just feel like killing him most of the time, but he's a good guy. Or so I hope. I mean, it's been two weeks and I have never been this beat."

"I'll try to get him out more often. To my loft or to the mall." Kevin offered.

"Thank you, that'd be much appreciated but I don't want to impose on you a responsibility that falls on me."

"Don't worry about that, when he's doing something or with his friends, he doesn't really act so stupid. The problem is when he's alone or goes out at night."

"I'm his friend and he still behaves like a child when I'm around." Lola felt hurt, after last night she had no doubt they were friends. "It's not only because I'm staff that it means we're not friends."

"I'm not saying that, I'd never say that. But you are different. When he's with you, it seems like he can do anything and he feels that. Because you'll always be there, and it's not only because you have to."

"It's just – He seems so lonely and so hurt. I'd be an awful person if I weren't there. But there's a lot of the fact that I have to. I can't disappoint Melina, she got me this opportunity and that'd be just low."

"It's hard to meet people so deeply committed to a boss or job. Although, we all are committed, we're not like you. You go to lengths of exhaustion. By the way, Jamie told me you work at a diner. What's up with that?"

"Jamie is dead. Oh, he is so freaking dead." Lola's blood felt so hot under her skin, specially her cheeks and she knew she was blushing out of embarrassment and rage. Her fists were closed and ready to shot against Jaime's face, but Kevin held her wrist. Lola's heart sped up hastily and she had to think about boring sewing lessons to keep at least a bit of her sanity and steadiness.

"Don't kill him, please. It'll be difficult shooting without him." Kevin joked and smiled widely, making the red-headed's heart skip a beat.

"I never meant to kill him; all I want is to rearrange his face." She said as fury took over her again.

"He didn't mean to tell me. I asked him why you got out at eight every night and he told me you had something important to do, I insisted and he told me against his will. I threatened to tell Zwart about his cookies inside the copy of Hamlet he has." Kevin let her go.

_He knows I leave at eight, why?_ Lola thought to herself, and was working up the courage to ask him why. "He has cookies in there? Aff, Jamie is always doing things he is forbidden to do."

"That's just who he is." Kevin laughed.

"By the way, how do you know I get out at eight every night?" She finally worked up the courage to ask.

"Because that's when I go too." He answered shyly and turned to look at Jamie's trailer. "Shouldn't you wake him up?"

"No, he still has half an hour."

"Why are you being so nice to him?"

With all her strength and courage, Lola neared her face to Kevin's, looked him in the eye and put her finger to her lips. "That's our dirty little secret." She said playfully and backed away as soon as she felt her throat start closing. "Let's just say that he isn't the jerk I thought he was."


	6. Words and Hurt

I miss Rose. Anyway, hope you like it. Thanks for the 1 fav. (:

* * *

_Noise. Lola's voice._ Jamie opened up his eyes and stretched out. Then he stood up and headed to the front door, opening it. He saw Lola and Kevin talking. _Again? Everyday they do that now_. He thought and scowled at both of them. "If you're gonna be all lovey-dovey, do that far away from my trailer and, if possibly, at later hours."

"Jamie, we woke you up?" Lola asked, she had that flush on again, that one she always had when Kevin was around. It had been about a week since they became friends and it was getting on Jamie's nerves for no reason apparently. Lola always dressed so differently, unlike most girls she liked layers and layers and jackets. She always had a boot on, preferably one that had the highest heels available.

"I'll tell you what I tell you everyday – I hate you because you never let me sleep to my fullest."

"Someone is Mr. grumpy pants again today." Kevin mocked and pinched Jamie's knee through his pajamas. "Time to work, Jamie."

"You don't boss me around too OK?"

Lola looked at Kevin, giving him an apologetic look and then back at Jamie. "IF YOU DON'T GET IN THAT SHOWER RIGHT NOW JAMIE CAMPBELL BOWER, SO HELP ME GOD – I'LL KILL YOU!" And then she was striding toward Jamie and he knew she meant business.

"Fine, fine." He got into the trailer, followed by Lola who leaned her back on the wall and crossed her arms.

"You're always nagging me and yelling at me, but Kevin no."

"Kevin? What the hell he has to do with the fact that you're an irresponsible prat?"

"I'm so not that. I was doing just fine before you, I don't even know why they hired you. You just boss me around all the time and annoy the hell out of me." Even as he spoke, he knew how hard his words would hit Lola. Many people did not know her well and thought she was really tough but Jamie knew better.

"Fine, then. If it'll make you happy –" The editor walked to the door, opening it. "You can fuck yourself and I'll just go home, you know?" She turned her head to face Jamie and he could see hurt all over her face, and regretted his stupidity immediately. "I thought you were the best person I had ever met, Jamie. I was so wrong." Then she was gone and he was left alone with his guilty.

By the time Jamie got to Lola's trailer, she was not there. He asked Amanda and she said she had not seen Lola since earlier. But Lola's bags and things were still there. So he remembered that whenever she was sad or irritated, she liked to hide behind Godfrey's trailer, because it was the furthest of them all and behind it was nice for privacy. And there she was, wearing the same jeans and wool sweater covered by a leather jacket she had been using earlier. However she was crying and staring at nothing. Jamie approached her, sitting by the girl's side.

"You want to humiliate me more or hurt me until I'm like really down?" She asked hastily while wiping the tears off of her cheeks. She looked so fragile and delicate when she cried, Jamie's heart ached whenever that happened – which, thankfully, was rare.

"I want to beg for forgiveness, I'll do whatever I have to."

"Why are you so mad Kevin and I are friends?" At that, Jamie's eyes widened. "I noticed you've been hating on me since then and it hurts me because you're my best friend here and I care about you more than I've cared about someone else in a long time. I don't want to lose you." She said while reaching for Jamie's hand and entwined their fingers tenderly, resting her face on his shoulder. It was a small act, but it made Jamie's stomach turn slightly and his heart speed up.

"I love you Lola. You don't have to say it back. I know we've been friends for less than a month, but I really do. You're an amazing human being, after all did – You can still feel this way about me. You're my best friend here too and I swear I don't know what's up with me, but I'll get less moody OK? Although, I think you and Kevin could talk farther from my trailer, right?" He sighed and kissed Lola's hair while caressing it.

"I love you too. But I'm not amazing and you're moody all the time, I just don't want you to be a jerk. Not to me."

"I can be a jerk to everyone else, then?" Jamie asked, laughing.

"If you will, just don't get into any trouble." The girl shook her head and stood up. "Who do I think I'm talking to? You're always in trouble. By the way, come on. Desiré will kill me, because I said an hour and it's been almost two." She looked lovely when she was all business and no fun that Jamie could not stop a smile. He stood up and they walked away, hands tied and laughing.

Lola was trying really hard to focus on Godfrey's costume, but it was always so hard. He was too much of man for any woman to be able to ignore his perfectly well shaped and taken care body that would be anyone's dream. And, for her misfortune, Kevin got into the costumes room at the exact time she was working a few pins into the Asian's clothes. It was enough to make her pin Godfrey's leg.

"OUCH!" The model screamed and jerked his leg away. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry, so so so sorry Godfrey." Lola did not know what to do. "Are you injured?"

"No, you pinned me, you didn't stab me." He said laughing shyly. "May I take a five?"

"Sure, sorry again." She watched him leave and Kevin approached her.

"You're funny. So nervous."

"I'm a fashion editor, I never get nervous." Lola answered as she turned around to stare into those beautiful eyes that made her whole body shiver. She was getting used to Kevin's presence, however it was still hard to make any sense at all around him. "BAM! WHAT!" And she emulated Maddie from Liv and Maddie, and cursed herself inside for that. She often did something really embarrassing in front of Kevin and felt really uncomfortable.

"What are you doing Friday night? It's your day off of the diner, right?" Kevin asked and Lola noticed his voice was a little unsteady.

"What I do every Friday night, baby sit Jamie and watch horror movies." She sighed. "My life is that awesome." Lola had a mouthful of irony dedicated to the words and she was sure Kevin could notice it because he laughed a little.

"Want to go to the movies? And dinner?"

"I don't have money, sorry." She answered absently while organizing some clothes.

Kevin put a hand under her chin and made her look at him. "I'm asking you out on a date. Unless – You're really dating Jamie."

"WHAT THE HELL?" The editor could not help but yell and soon put both hands on her mouth. "I'm sorry. But Jamie and I are really good friends. I'm sorry for whoever falls in love with him. He is such an obnoxious, nerve-wrecking, spoiled, little messy mess trouble —"

"Lola, I get it. You wanna kill him." Kevin laughed and held her hands. "But you didn't give me an answer yet."

At that, the girl blushed and shook her head. "Sorry. I would like that, yes. I just have to tell Jamie and ask someone to keep an eye on him."

"All right. I see you later then, I have to go back to set. I think I have a scene in 20 minutes." Kevin leaned down – he didn't have to lean so much, he was almost Lola's height – and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Bye, then." Then he was gone.

Lola touched her cheek slightly and felt the urge to sit down, as she did right away. It was all too surreal and she ran her hands to her phone that was on the sofa she had set on. Lola soon sent a text to her best girlfriend, Emma and called Jason.

"JASON!"

"WHAT?"

"HE DID IT!"

"Who did what?" Jason asked sounding lost and confused.

"Kevin asked me out." Lola almost whispered.

"REALLY? OH EM GEEE!"

And both started gossiping and celebrating, as they always did when something great happened, for instance when Emma would clean up the magazine's closet and save them the best items.


	7. Dates and Kisses

Lola had been trying outfits for the past thirty minutes and was about to give up since all her clothes were mainly work clothes, when someone knocked at the door. "Come in." She had old jeans and a sweater on, and for a second she got nervous and thought maybe it was Kevin. It luckily was not him. "Jaime! What's up? Weren't you going to practice a little with Lily for the fighting scenes?"

"Yeah, but I have something for you." Jamie walked toward Lola and the girl noticed a store bag in his hand. "It's not Chanel, but it was the best I could do."

The editor took the gift from Jamie's hand and opened the bag, her eyes widened. "It's –" It was a black long-sleeved black dress with a handcrafted white collar and a pair of wine stockings. "I – Jamie, I can't accept it. It's beautiful."

"No big deal, Lola. It was nothing and you need to look awesome when you're on your dream date." He smiled and took something from his jacket, which shone a bit. "It's a hair pin." The gold haired boy handed the pin to Lola and she took a pretty good look at it, it was dark gold and had stones that looked like emeralds crusted to it. It was not anything really exaggerated nor too small, it was just the right size. "Won't you take it?"

She took it and almost jumped on Jamie, hugging him tightly. "You are the best friend ever! Thank you, Jamie. Thank you so much. I can't even thank you properly." Lola turned her face and kissed Jamie's cheek roughly while laughing. "Best gift…" Then she let him go.

"You don't have to thank me, OK? Just look striking, what is natural to you and we're even. And don't exaggerate, it's not the best gift." He rolled his eyes and laughed a bit.

"Not the outfit, you." Lola noticed with interest Jamie blushing and a wide smile spread through her face. "Now go you cute little piece of annoyance." She said, pushing him out of the trailer, before he could open the door, she hugged him again from behind. "I thank life and destiny for your existence every day. You're the most irritating, nerve-wrecking being I've ever met…"

"Is that supposed to be some heart-to-heart?" He laughed loudly.

"Let me finish, Bower! You're all of those things, but you're the best thing that ever happened to me and I couldn't have asked for a better friend."

"I have to go, Lily waits me. Good luck." Jamie untangled from Lola and left her all by herself, standing there and wondering what his problem was, but she had to go and get ready for the date.

Lola thanked heavens the weather was not that cold, otherwise she would have frozen since the dress Jamie gave her was middle- thigh length and the stockings were not warm. All she had to protect her body from the cold was her leather jacket and boots. She did not have to wait long for Kevin, he was even early and they drove to a Japanese restaurant that was really beautiful indeed, it was dim lit and all tables were Japanese models. Lola asked if they had a place where they could sit on tall tables and chairs. There were private rooms, what made the girl feel a little uncomfortable, but the dress she was wearing was not appropriate for sitting on the floor, besides she did not want to wreck it since it was a gift from Jamie.

"You seem distracted."

"Huh? Me? No, sorry. I was looking at the place. It's beautiful."

"I really like it here. The food is great and the ambiance. You look beautiful, by the way." They were sitting face-to-face and Lola had to stare at her chopsticks to hide her embarrassment.

"Thank you, you too."

"Is this weird?"

"No, it's just that you could be with anyone here. I mean, any girl in her right mind would want to be here and I have no idea why it's me."

Kevin let out a laugh and took her hands in his. "If you could look at me when we talk, it would be better, please." She looked at him, face burning. Lola always had the feeling of melting when looking into Kevin's beautiful eyes. "Thanks. I asked you out because I like you, you make me laugh and you're really smart. You have a great sense of fashion, which I don't. And I find it amazing the way you look after Jamie."

At the mention of Jamie, Lola reached for her phone in her purse, breaking from Kevin's grip. "Just a second please." She took it and started typing Jamie a message asking if he was fine and saying that she was worried about his sudden leave at the trailer. "I'm sorry. I'm glad you feel that way."

"I'm sorry, but who were you texting?"

"Jamie, he didn't look fine when I left."

"Do you even do anything besides worrying about him?"

"Of course! Just this morning I did my nails while you trained for the stunts, OK?" She said mockingly. "He's my friend, I worry about all of them."

"But it's different with him." Kevin said while sipping from his wine.

"Yeah, because he's the most sensitive fragile person I've ever met and if you tell him I said that, I'll deny it. By the way, it's such a shame we couldn't find a movie worth watching. I love going to the movies."

"It's a shame, indeed. Maybe next time, right?"

"You want a next time?" She asked shyly, heart on her sleeve.

"Sure!"

"Is this a dream or am I just really lucky?"

Kevin laughed loudly and they started debating on luck and really deserving. The right of the night was incident free. Except the fact that Lola had spent the whole time checking her phone at every five minutes. They took a walk around the neighborhood of the restaurant, holding hands and talking about the silliest and most irrelevant things. Being with Kevin felt right and Lola's heart felt warm, although nervousness ate her up. She wanted to reach and kiss him, hold him. But he was Kevin Zegers, the man she had been dreaming of for such a long time and she did not want to ruin whatever it was they had going. Sometimes she asked herself where all her confidence and self-awareness were when she most needed them. Kevin drove her to the set at about ten, he walked her to her trailer.

"Well, I should really get inside. Tomorrow I have to take Jamie to the dentist for his check up. And I know this is lame."

Kevin laughed and put a hand to Lola's face, looking her in the eye while caressing her cheek with his thumb delicately. "Thank you for the lovely night."

Lola could almost see in her mind her cheeks turn into a bright red and she was certain that her heart was now in her throat. All the girl could do in response was to bit her lower lip, which seemed to be the right thing to do. Kevin neared his face to hers, without breaking eye contact and after not finding any resistance; he closed his eyes as Lola did hers so her heart could stop trying to rip her throat open. Kevin's free hand find its way to Lola's waist and the minute their lips touched, his grip on her skin tightened – both on her cheek and waist – as she involved his neck with her hands. It was a sweet and soft kiss, his lips tasted like dream and happiness and all of Lola's best daydreams about him could not come close to the reality of his warmth and touch. Kevin had this amazing manly smell and essence, the way he held her made her feel like burning up and electricity ran through her body. After a few moments, Kevin slipped his tongue between her lips and Lola could do nothing more than allow its passage. The girl did not know how anyone could possibly taste that good. His tongue tangled on hers and fighting her for dominance was something that made her legs feel like melting any time soon. Kevin ran his hands through her body until he reached her backs and pulled the girl closer, their bodies touching and the kiss intensifying. Lola entwined her fingers in Kevin's hair, pulling it slightly. She could feel his firm and well shaped chest through the clothes, and his heartbeat which was almost as fast as hers. But then the need for actual oxygen broke their kiss and it took the editor a while to pluck up the courage to open up her eyes. When she did, she did not regret it. Kevin had his eyes shining even more than usual and his lips were red. Lola's stomach contracted slightly at such beautiful view.

"I see you soon, then." He finally said, a little breathless.

"Ahm, sure." And then Kevin left.


	8. Cigarettes and Alcohol

Catia! I missed you. (: Thanks for the review.

Yeah, they are! Aw, I feel bad for Jamie, he obviously has feelings for Lola.

HAHAHAHAHAHA But that's my intention, you know? To cause conflict.

omg, so many names. You're so smart, I couldn't come up with one.

I liked Kevola the best. Kola is really cool too, but it's like Cola. hahahahha I loved Lamie! But yeah, it'd be weird. My friend and I call them Jamola. But Jola is also cool. We could have both.

Thanks, you're so sweet. But I don't think it's that good, you're the only one who reviews, and thank you very much for that. Sorry it took me so long to update this time.

I've been busy with preparations for the movie on Wednesday xx

Warning: Drama alert!

* * *

When Lola was about to sleep, she checked her phone one last time and there was a missed call, and two messages from unknown numbers. The two were urging her to call back. The editor got to her feet as her heart tightened and she recognized the number as the local hospital's number. She put on her wool sweater and slippers and ran off outside, so she would not wake Amanda. And dialed the number, after a few moments someone answered.

"Mount Sinai hospital, good night. How may I help you?"

Lola swallowed hard as her hypothesis started becoming true and had not noticed she was heading toward Jamie's trailer, breathless. "Someone called me from this number and texted me from a phone, telling me to call immediately. I'm Lola Morgan."

"Let me just see here…" The lady on the phone was humming while Lola waited, already reaching Jamie's trailer. "Oh yes, we have mister Bower here, and he came in because of alcohol abuse. And we found your number in his speed dial."

"Jamie… I'll be right there." And then the girl hung up and turned away, dialing the taxi number Lily had given her.

After waiting for about the twenty longer minutes of her life, Lola finally got in the cab and headed to the hospital. Angst was erupting on her and her heart was aching. It was always like that, whenever Jamie decided it was time to get into some trouble. As soon as Lola paid the driver, she dashed to the hospital and up the stairs. At the reception, she got Jamie's room number and ran toward it. When she got there, he was awake.

"He just woke up." The nurse said. "But he needs more sugar in his blood, although he shall not vomit anymore. I'll bring a few medications he needs right now and you're allowed to stay over, but he's only free to go tomorrow, Lola."

"Really? Why only tomorrow, Anne?"

"Because he went a bit over the edge this time, and he almost got into a fight, I may add. Lucky him my husband works at the force here and I already pulled some strings, so he won't be in any trouble." Anne headed to the door and stopped beside Lola, and spoke not looking at her. "He's been calling for you when we drove him here. And asked for you as soon as he woke up, you should teach him a lesson."

"Oh, I will." Lola walked to near the bed and looked at Jamie tenderly. She laid her hand on his chest and slapped him repeatedly; biting her lower lip and feeling her face heat up. And tears were falling while relief washed over her. After a minute hitting Jamie, Lola took a deep breath and whispered in his ear. "Next time you do something like this, I will kill you."

"I'm sorry Lola. And ouch, may I say? You hit too hard, and my head is spinning."

"You're lucky it's all you're feeling. If it were up to me, I'd throw you out of the window. Why do you do stupid things like that?" She sat by his side on the bed as soon as he made space for her.

"Because I'm a stupid piece of shit."

"You must find it amusing to hurt me, don't you?

"No, of course not."

"Then stop being stupid and start showing everyone you care about that you really do." Lola sighed. "Now get some sleep."

Jamie held one of her hands. "Will you be here?"

"I'll be here all night, I won't leave your side, just rest." She kissed his forehead. "You're all booze, ew!"

The boy laughed and closed his eyes. Such a peaceful look for someone so dangerous. "Did I ruin your night?"

"No, nothing could ruin my night. Actually, you made it very special. I loved the outfit you chose and I'll always be thankful for that. Now sleep, Bower."

And he indeed slept. Jamie slept deeply and did not wake at any moment, although Lola could not bring herself to sleep. It was always like this, he would do something stupid and get hurt and she would be the one spending the night taking care of him and worrying. She knew all the worrying was not necessary because he was Jamie and he always got over his troubles easily and unscarred. But he had never done something so stupid to get to the point of an overnight at the hospital. As soon as the watch pointed at four in the morning, Lola called Zwart to tell him what had happened and let him know Jamie would be late.

"At least he has been less of a trouble than the other times we were shooting. I just hope it all stops soon. Otherwise we will go crazy again."

"I'll say. Anyway, I'm sorry for the inconvenient."

"It's not your fault, Lola. You have the right to a personal life just as much as anyone. By the way, you should have the money in your account by the end of the week."

"What? But you said…"

"I know what I said, but there has been a mistake with the numbers and we will be able to pay you, not much but we will."

"Thank you, Zwart."

"OK, see the two of you later."

As soon as Lola hung up, she sat again beside Jamie's bed. He looked so much like an angel sleeping that the editor felt the urge to hug him but contained it as to not wake him up. After the tensest part of the night was over and relief was taking place in her heart, Lola started to remember moments of her date last night. The way Kevin talked and laughed with her and of her, the way he treated her with such care and sweetness, she remembered their arms entwined and holding hands. Finally her mind took her to the kiss and her heart tightened, she felt like vomiting as anxiety washed over her. She did not know what she should behave like and how he would treat her after that. But she was happy, or at least a little happy. As dawn broke, she wondered if she could have everything. Lola looked at Jamie and knew that she could not have it all when her best friend was doing stupid things to himself all the time, being so reckless. _How did I get here? How is it that he's taken over Jason's place so easily? Jason has been my best friend for so many years now, but he doesn't know me nor read me like Jamie. We have this thing when we're thinking the same thing and look at each other._ She thought to herself and willed her mind to shut up.


	9. Questions and Answers

The next month flew by, Lola was always working or on dates with Kevin. It had been a nice month. She quit her job at the diner after Jamie insisting and annoying her to. She did not want to because you never know what may happen tomorrow. But he was right, the editor had become a zombie and was often dozing off during work, one day she was mending Jamie's jacket and dozed off and had all the pins on her hand piercing the skin there. Although everything seemed to be all right, aside from a few incidents with Jamie, Lola still was not sure about the nature of her relationship with Kevin. In two days it would complete a full month that they had been going out and she had no clue if they were serious or not.

"Lola? Jamie to Lola."

"Sorry, Jamie. Tell me, did Kevin tell you if he's seeing someone else?" She asked while straightening up on Jamie's bed, putting her legs on his.

"Ahm, if he had, I'd have told you and kicked his ass. He's not crazy as to do such a silly thing, not to you. Besides, he really is – I'd risk say – In love with you." Jamie turned his chest to the side, so he could be face to face with Lola.

"Love is such a strong word, Jamie."

"I love you."

At that, Lola gasped and took a deep breath to get a hold of herself. "I love you too. But it's different, we really know each other so well and we're friends. Loving someone like that is different."

"You should ask him what's going on if you want to know so badly." And Jamie turned to the roof again.

"By the way, what about you? You've been single for far too long now, I mean for your patterns."

"What's my pattern, Lola?" He sighed.

"Having a girlfriend, or new girlfriend every other week."

"Thank you for pointing it out, would like to judge me a little more?"

"Oh Jamie. I'm sorry!" She sat up and threw her hands around the boy's neck, kissing his cheek roughly.

"You're always so delicate and sweet. It amazes me that Kevin hasn't claimed you his yet." The gold haired boy said mockingly.

Lola slapped his arm with all her strength.

"Ouch! Hey, that was too strong." He said while standing up and caressing his wounded arm.

"It's to make sure it's red. So you don't forget that you shouldn't mess with me." Lola stood up and put on her snickers, heading to the door. "I'll go talk to him, thank you. By the way, go to sleep or I'll keep on waking you up in a new different creative way every day." And she left.

Kevin was finishing his training when heard noises near the training room and looked at the door, expecting Zwart to come in or someone of the staff telling him to go because they had to close the building. He was surprised to see it was Lola, since she would spend all her nights with Jamie mostly. That should not bother Kevin, he was never the one for jealously, but it did – more than he wanted to admit. She walked toward him, smiling and shining – or it was just his image of her. She was always wearing the most interesting outfits, and sensual as well. That night she was wearing vintage floral stockings, plain white snickers, a middle-thigh skirt that Kevin loved, and this leathery long sleeved red blouse that showed all the details of her upper body. She also had a light yellow scarf around her neck. When she neared him, Kevin held her face in his hands and kissed her softly, feeling the smoothness of her lips and a bit of the after taste of her cherry lip-gloss. Reluctantly, the man broke the kiss and looked at her.

"What happened?" He asked and started to drop off the weights he had been carrying.

"How can you tell something happened?" She crossed her arms and looked at him narrowly. "Couldn't I just want to see you? Is it so weird that I miss being with you? We haven't spent much time together during the past couple of days."

"When you're with Jamie, it's weird you missing anyone. And I'm sorry, but as I told you, the monkeys were visiting. They still are, but they're out with Lily."

"Yeah, you're right Kevin. I'm so fucking sorry I love my friend and spending time with him. At least, he lets me know how serious our friendship is without me having to ask him that and introduces me to his family!" Lola was practically yelling while backing away, her cheeks burning and rage painted all over her face with a hint of hurt. "And I know I the part about how serious our friendship is doesn't make any sense, but you get what I mean." And then she left.

When Kevin finally came to make any sense of Lola's speech, he started to run after her, although he had no luck finding her in the compound, so he headed to the trailers. He thought about looking for her at Jamie's, but he decided that looking at hers would be better, since it was closer to the compound. When he got there, she was not there neither Amanda. Then he left to Jamie's trailer, getting there as fast as he could. Jamie opened the door.

"Is she here?" Kevin asked, a little out of breath.

"What did you do to her?" Jamie asked and grabbed his jacket, putting it on. "I think I know where she is. If you tell me what you have done, I'll go get her and bring her here."

"I didn't do anything! That's the problem maybe. I know you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt her, Jamie. Not on purpose."

"You know you don't deserve her, right?"

"But you do? You're always worrying her and making it so that she won't have time to be with anyone else and you're not even brave enough to tell her how you feel." Kevin snapped and let it all out in one breath, regretting it immediately.

Jamie looked at him, hurt taking over his expression. "She doesn't want me, she wants you and you better take of her." He started walking away, back turned to Kevin. "Wait here or she'll never trust me again." He took a deep breath. "None of us deserve her." And he left, running to find her. Kevin sat on the stairs of Jamie's trailer and sighed heavily while leaning his head on the door. Guilt hurting him from inside out. He did not mean to fight Jamie, especially not for a girl. Bros before hoes, right? But Lola was not a hoe, neither just any girl.


	10. Decisions and fears

Jamie knew he would find Lola where he always did and there she was, closed in herself, sitting on the cold floor. As soon as he got there, the boy took his jacket and put it on her, making the editor look up and he saw she had not been crying at least. Jamie set beside her and evolved her shoulders with an arm, kissing the top of her head. He kept her there.

"What happened?"

"How did – ?"

"Kevin is looking for you, you should talk to him. He looks genuinely desperate."

"He should be. He behaved like such a jerk." She untangled from Jamie's grip and look into his eyes, making a shiver run through his spine and his heart ache because of the pain in the girl's eyes.

"What did he say?"

"He wants to talk to you and you should listen him out." Jamie stood up and offered his hand to Lola, who took it and stood up.

"I will, because you're the one asking."

"I know that." Jamie smiled and held her hand. And they walked, hands tied, laughing because it was too cold and Lola was always disappearing into herself when it was too cold.

As soon as he saw Lola and Jamie, Kevin stood up and straightened up, tense. He felt a little nervous and a tiny pain in his stomach well known to him now as jealously. Lola was wearing Jamie's jacket and they were holding hands, laughing, like a perfect couple. The kind of couple you see on books and movies. As they approached him, though, Lola's smile faded and she was serious. Jamie left them and promised Lola he would sleep before placing a kiss on her forehead.

"I – I didn't know you wanted to meet my family." Kevin said after a long excruciating silence.

"So you think I'm a whore?" Lola snapped, crossing her arms.

Kevin sighed and walked toward her, he involved her in his arms and looked her in the eyes. "I thought you would think I was moving too fast. And I didn't want to scare you, because I am really into you. I think about you almost all the time. Sometimes I envy when Lily and Jemima are not shooting and the three of you share secrets and laughs. I am jealous of the way you and Robert have so much in common. I envy Jason because he knows so much about you and you're such a mystery to me. Even Gao makes me jealous, because of the way he makes you look so much like a teenager…"

"I KNEW I DID THAT! Damn!"

"The point is that, although I am jealous sometimes of these people, I am mostly jealous of Jamie and in a way I don't like. I hate jealously and it will only make me loose you and what we have. I will be better at this, I promise. I'll try my best, especially because he's my friend too." He took a deep breath and touched the girl's forehead with his own, looking her even closer and deeper in the eyes. He noticed her blushing slightly. "I want you to be my girlfriend, Lola. And I really would love you meeting my family. How about tomorrow after work?"

The editor involved Kevin's neck with her hands. "Ahm, I don't know. I'll have to ask Jamie." She said in a serious tone.

"Af—" Kevin sighed heavily and Lola started laughing uncontrollably. "Not funny, my dear."

"Really funny, you should've seen you." She inflated her chest, "af – ", and emulated the actor.

"Oh yeah? " Kevin involved her waist with his arms and started biting and licking her neck. Soon enough, he was tickling her sides and she was laughing heavily.

"STOP, KEVIN, STOP!" She pulled him away with all her strength and reluctantly. "It's late and I need to sleep."

"OK, then." Kevin brought her closer once again and kissed her tenderly, cupping her face in his hands while Lola's hands slipped to his waist, grabbing it tightly. The actor's tongue touched her lips and the girl set them apart to allow his tongue to accommodate itself in her mouth. Soon the kiss was deepened and Kevin ran his hands through her until he stopped them on her back and pushed her closer. Lola's hands reached the actor's chest and she grabbed his shirt tightly while their tongues fought for control. Kevin could taste her the way he liked, so deeply and the kiss was getting hotter by the second, he increased the intensity of the kissing by sucking her tongue a little. When they had to break for air, Lola started kissing his chin with passion while pressing her body on his. Soon her lips were in his throat and Kevin let a moan slip through his mouth. And then he pushed her delicately, using all his will to do so.

"We have to wake up early, remember?" He said breathlessly, looking into her eyes. Kevin could immediately see the hurt in her face. "You said you needed sleep." The actor held her. "But I really miss you too. Date on Friday? I'll make you dinner? You can sleep over." The actor let her go and looked into her eyes. "You want to sleep over?"

At that, Lola blushed a little and starting staring at her shoes, Kevin thought that should be the most adorable sight. "You should know I – I don't have much experience."

Kevin reached for Lola's chin and lifted it, making her look at him. "I don't care about that, but if you want to wait, I understand. I think I love you, Lola. I want to be with you but only if you want it too."

Lola's eyes widened and Kevin knew he had said too much. "I – I think I love you too. And I have wanted to be with you for so long, all I'm saying is that I may not be very good at that. I've had very few experiences concerning it."

Kevin let out a short laugh and kissed her lips softly. Then he broke it off before deepening it. "I don't mind, it's you and I'm sure it will be amazing."

Lola smiled and nodded. "I really should go now before I try and rip off your clothes right here, right now."

"All right then, I better do the same. See you tomorrow." He kissed her forehead and she turned away.

"Good night." He watched her leave, his girlfriend.


	11. Love and Protect

Thank you all for the lovely reviews, reviews make me want to update sooner. I wasn't online much because of The Mortal Instruments, I watched it 8 times this weekend, to help with the box numbers. So if you could go an rewatch it on theaters, that would be pretty great.

Anyway, thanks my two new readers. And Catia, I hope when you read the new chapters, you like them.

I'm mad at you wife.

* * *

After a few months spending many weekends' nights with Kevin and nothing ever happening, Lola finally decided it was the time to actually be with him, and her mind could not control itself. However she had to have the talk with Jamie, What was never easy.

Lola had spent the last ten minutes trying to wake Jamie up without having to do something extreme. But it was no use, every day was the same. The editor started pushing him off of the bed until the boy fell on the floor.

"What the hell, Lola?!" He yelled the minute he sat up on the floor.

Lola laughed, sitting on her legs on top of the bed. "You should know better than not waking up when I call you lovingly." She offered him her hand and he took it. "Now give me a hug, you moody pouty thing."

"The pet names you give me –" He smiled and threw himself on her, holding the girl and made her lay down on the bed. "You're miss happy pants again."

"The pet names you give me. And yes I am. By the way – " Jamie was looking her in the eyes, in that way that made Lola feel like he knew every single secret of hers. "I'm gonna be at Kevin's on Friday, so will you behave?"

"You'll sleep there?" He asked and Lola blushed. "Don't mind answering. I don't care, go. I'll do my best to behave." He said while getting out of the bed and heading to the bathroom.

"Did I do something wrong?" The editor asked while she stood up and put her hands on her pockets.

"Nothing Lola, I just am really sleepy. But I'm so happy for you." He turned his head to face her and Lola noticed the boy had a weird fake smile on his face.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, gonna bath. Wanna come with?" He smirked. Now that was Jamie.

"GO TO HELL JAMIE!" She threw a pillow at him and he rushed into the bathroom.

Lola was waiting for Jamie to get out of the trailer when Lily came and sat beside her.

"So dreaming about your big date?"

Lola looked at Lily shocked and heat took over her cheeks. "I can't believe he told you!"

"Didn't you tell Jamie?" The actress asked while recoiling into her coat.

"Yeah, sure. But I see Jamie every day. I wake up and come over to see him. It would be a low move not to tell him." She said, matter-of-factly.

"However, Kevin is too excited. He even woke me up. I'm really happy for you two, sincerely. You've been together for about six months now, it's about time. But are you sure Jamie is happy for you too?"

Lola's eyes widened and she slapped her own leg. "Of course I am!" And then she thought about Jamie's reaction. "I think."

"Lola, why do you think Jamie isn't happy for you. At least, not entirely." Lily started playing with a lock of her hair and looked into the distance behind Lola.

"I don't know. I mean, if my best friends were together, I'd be very happy. But Jason is gay and Emma… Well, she doesn't like dating." The editor started playing with her fingers on the hem of her pants.

"You don't see it, do you? Even Kevin notices it, but you don't and it's so freaking obvious. Gosh, it's like ignoring a huge billboard."

"Jamie isn't in love with me, and even if he were – He mustn't be anymore. It's Jamie, he falls in and out of love too easily." Lola sighed and started pulling the end of her pants down and up.

"You really don't wanna see it or you're too afraid to see it. But he's so in love with you, it hurts him so much whenever you and Kevin are being all lovey-dovey with each other. How can you not see it? It's kind of heart breaking."

"You're imagining things, Lily. Jamie is not the falling in love for real type of guy."

"That's why you're with Kevin?"

Lola stood up, offended and snapped. "I'm with Kevin because I love him – I think. I really am happy with – " At that moment, Jamie opened up the door of the trailer and Lola just tried changing the subject. "Come on, make-up. Both of you."

Lily stood up beside Jamie and nodded. "Yeah, ma-am." Then she put her hand in front of her face and whispered to Jamie. "Is she always this bossy?"

"Hell yeah. Even worse." Jamie replied in a low voice.

"I heard that!" Lola said and got between both actors, leading them to the make-up room. "Now I have two babies to carry around."

xxx

Kevin had just finished stretching out when Jamie walked into the set of the Penhallows' house in Alicante.

"Hey man, what's up?" He asked the gold haired boy and shook hands with him, but Jamie did not let go of his hand. In fact, he tightened the grip and pushed Kevin toward him.

"Be careful with Lola on Friday, you hear me? Also, if you break her heart, I will break your face." Jamie had his gaze fixed on Kevin's in the scariest and most threatening way possible.

"Right. Fine." The older man said and untangled himself from Jamie. "Look, I love her OK?"

"That's good, because she loves you." Jamie said absently while the rest of the cast and a few people from the crew were getting to the set.

"She does?" Kevin's heart felt as if a weight had been taken off of it and the actor smiled widely.

"Of course she does, you should know that. Lola wouldn't agree to being intimate with you if she didn't."

"I know that, it's just that I told her I loved her once and she said it back, but not as firmly as I'd expected."

"She is nervous, that's it. She's been in love with you – Or the idea of you, for so long. It's only natural. You're her biggest dream that came true and you keep that in mind when you're with her." Jamie took a deep breath and looked at Lily and Lola coming a little too far from them.

"You're a great friend Jamie, thanks." Kevin said while patting the boy on the back.

"Sure, the best of friends." He said bitterly.


	12. Fights and Pain

Amanda looked at Lola crossedly and the editor went over to talk to her.

"What's happening, what's with the look?"

"Now that you're all beautiful and famous, you forgotten your friends."

Lola laughed and looked Amanda in the eyes. "I'm not famous, and that's not my objective. It's yours. Also, friends? You're a little snake, Amanda. You really thought Kevin wouldn't tell me that you hit on him when you knew the way I feel about him? And you also thought Jamie wouldn't tell me the nasty things you said about me? That was using him? That he didn't stand a chance? And now you act all jealous? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I – I didn't do any of those things."

Lola held Amanda's wrist tightly and pushed her close. "You imply Jamie lied to me one more time and I'll break your little bony wrist Amanda. I don't care if they fire me."

"Of course you don't care, you've got your own bank account all head over heels for you. When you don't even love him."

At that, Lola twisted the blonde's hair and pushed her hair down. "You listen to me, bitch – " She hissed. "Don't mess with me and don't talk about what you don't know. My boyfriend is none of your business."

"You don't even love him, all you're after is his money as you were after mine."

And that was it for Lola, who started slapping and punching Amanda, who in turn was trying to hit the other girl. They were a mess of a fight and Lola managed to put Amanda down, throwing herself on the top of her opponent and started slapping her strongly. "I was your fucking friend, you whore!" At that moment, arms held Lola and she started trashing in them.

"Lola, stop! This will take you nowhere."

"Damn Jamie!" She stopped and stood up. Lola took a deep breath and felt her lip ache, and Jamie's gaze on it. The editor instinctively touched her lip and a little blood smeared her fingers. "Bitch hurt me!"

"She got out worse than you. Come on, Lola. You need to cool off." And he dragged her away from there.

xxx

"What? A fight?"

"It was awful, Kevin, all I know is that Jamie took Lola out of there, and Amanda was fired. I don't even know why she was working here. According to Zwart, she didn't do what she had to and they had to hire someone else. If her parents weren't paying her stay, she would have gone long ago. At least, she doesn't have any spoilers to let on." Lily sighed while working on her costume, turning the belt from one side to the other.

"What about Lola? Was she hurt?" Kevin asked with a hint of anxiety in his voice.

"She's fine, absolutely fine. Jamie took her away to cool off. And before you think about going after them, remember we have scenes to shoot and Jamie is finished with his –" The actress sighed and looked at Kevin, who looked really confused. "You job is more important than your urge to help someone who doesn't need your help."

"You're the sweetest thing, but you sure know how to be mean." The actor said while putting on his gloves. And then got to putting on his boots.

"I'm being sincere, Kevin. I'm your friend and I have to tell you the truth. You're needed in the set. She has Jamie, she'll be fine." Lily looked at herself in the mirror and Kevin thought of how delicate and small she was.

The actor let out a heavy sigh and looked to the wall, he knew she would be fine but he wanted to be the one taking care of her. "I'm her boyfriend and I should be there for her."

"Let's finish shooting and you will."

xxx

"Why do you have to do stupid things like that, Lola?" Jamie asked while disinfecting the girl's wound, she winced a bit. Even wincing and looking furious, she could make his heart do tricks he did not even know it could.

"I just – You're the one to talk. Jamie, you live for getting into trouble and worrying the hell out of me and you tell me I'm the one doing it? And I had great reasons, you do for no reason."

"What reasons you had?" Jamie was kneeling in front of Lola who was sitting on his bed. He put his arms on her legs and the girl rested hers on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes. Being so close to her was always so good. It was comfortable and yet disturbing, since every fiber of his being was screaming for him to hold her tight and kiss her and tell her how much he loved her. That she was the only who could bring up the best on him. And his stomach dropped, reminding him that she was taken and by one of his best friends.

"She said you were lying and that I didn't love Kevin." She looked down, and he noticed the girl was a little sad.

"What matters is that we know you do, and he knows it too, right?"

She looked in his eyes again and a shiver ran through Jamie when the girl started playing with the hair in the back of his neck. "I told him I think love him once."

"But you're sure right?" A little hope started sparkling inside of him, but even if she did not love him, she was getting there.

"I don't know, Jamie." She sighed and hid her face in the curve of the actor's neck, which made Jamie's heart speed up more and more, and his hands shake a bit. "I mean, he's amazing and everything and he makes me happy and I have always been in love with him. I guess I'm just afraid of intimacy. I want it, but I don't know."

"Oh, believe me, you're not afraid of intimacy." At that Lola looked at him puzzled and Jamie let out a laugh. "Our friendship knows no personal space. You're just afraid to be with the one you love, it makes you vulnerable. Even more." He sighed and wondered if his heart was going to break or if it had been broken moments ago. "Just trust him, he loves you. Everything is going to be fine, Lola." Jamie faked his best smile and kissed her forehead tenderly.


	13. Grief and Loss

10 reviews, not bad 3 Thanks guys.

I'm almost finished with the writing. I finished the 18th chapter today. I think it'll have 20 chapters, so yeah. Some people will hate me, others will not. Your reviews made me want to post this earlier. (:

* * *

Lola had decided that she needed to clear out her head, for this reason she found herself a far and very well hidden place so she could think and reread Divergent, it always helped her think clearer and calm down. She took a deep breath and started reading, leaning against a tree. The weather was too cold and she had on what looked like a shadowhunter gear, except her pants were jeans. When all her efforts to concentrate and relax ended up making her think harder about things, she decided it was time to call Jason – no one she knew has had so many successful years of a relationship like he did.

"Sup girl?"

"Not much, you?" The girl bit her lip and looked at the sky.

"Are you biting your lip?"

"I'm not – HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT?" Although Lola knew it was impossible for Jason to be there, she looked around.

"I'm your bitchest bitch, I know you. You sound nervous, whenever you're this nervous that it comes out in your voice, it means you're biting your lip. Spit."

"Right… KevinaskedmetosleepovertomorrowandIwantobutI'mfeel inglikethisisallwrongandI don'tknowwhattodo." She rushed trying not to regret telling Jason about that.

"What the actual hell? That piece of hotness wants to have sex with you and you don't want to?"

"I NEVER SAID THAT! Gosh, I've dreamed about this moment for so long and now it just doesn't feel right. I don't know why, Jason. It just doesn't. Or maybe I'm too nervous." Lola sighed heavily, feeling her cheeks heating up.

"Listen to me, I'll be really honest. You're nervous and that's all there is to it. You're nervous that he won't like it or that he will dump you after. But he won't, Lola. He loves you, girl! Like my pudding pop loves me."

"I HEARD THAT JASON!" Luke's voice came distant through the phone and Lola let out a laugh.

"He hates when you call him pudding pop and it's just so funny. We're too addicted to tv shows, Jason. Anyway, Jamie said the same thing about Kevin."

"Oh, Jamie…"

"What about him?" Lola frowned.

"Nothing, I just never heard of him anymore."

"He has me to cover his tracks and he's been behaving. Why do people always expect the worst from him?"

"Because it's him. You're doing him good, sister. And he's doing you good too."

"What you mean?" Lola stood up and started toward the trailers.

"I mean, I've seen the pictures you've been sending Emma and you're having fun. You started dating… Maybe not the right guy, but still."

"And who would be the right guy?"

"Carlos or Juan. They're nice. And they don't make me feel jealous of you."

Jamie's trailer was open and that was really weird. Lola stood up and started running in its direction. "I'll call you back, Jason." As soon as she got there, Kevin and Jamie were rolling one over the other, flying blind punches at each other, and although Lola was still breathless from running, she gathered all her strength, climbed up the stairs and took a deep breath before yelling. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"

Both Jamie and Kevin stopped and looked at her. Silence stretched out for a few minutes and Lola could see that Jamie's face was bleeding and Kevin's ear too. Both of them were trying to pace their breath and Kevin set on the floor beside Jamie, elbows on his knees. Lola could see he was embarrassed. The girl crossed her arms, still waiting for an answer. Jamie looked at her and she could see his eyes were watery and he was hurt all over, bruises covering his arms and a few over his face. "Nothing." Jamie finally said.

"Oh, I can see it was something and Zwart is gonna be so pissed! You know what this little game of yours is gonna cost us in time and, of course, money? Damn, Jamie, I can't get five freaking minutes of peace or you get yourself into trouble." Lola started walking toward the boy and kneeled down beside him. "You're all bruised." She said in a low and sweet voice while caressing his arms delicately over his bruises. Suddenly she slapped his arm. "You're an idiot, Jamie! Why do you have to go on hurting yourself?" She bit her lip, holding back tears and stood up. "Don't answer. And you –" She looked at Kevin, her face heating up out of rage. "I never expected such behavior from you. You're not an idiot, Kevin." She started walking toward him and stopped, her feet on his slightly. "Get up and go to the infirmary, I'll get Jamie to the hospital and see what someone can do to minimize the damage." Lola sighed and put one of her hands on her eyes, rubbing them.

"You won't come with me?" Kevin spoke for the first time since she had gotten there.

"I have to take him to the hospital, you only need first aids. Please go." The girl asked and helped him up.

"Call me when you're back?"

"Oh, you're gonna wait for me and the two of you are going to work this out or I'm telling Zwart you fought over chocolate chip cookies. And he's gonna kill both of you, if I don't do it first."

Kevin held her hands and kissed her lips softly. "I'm sorry. I'll wait. I'm sorry Jamie."

At that, Jamie just grunted and looked away. Lola slapped his arm and made him murmur an angry apology. They walked out of the trailer and slowly toward the infirmary. The girl right behind Jamie, she was looking to the ground and taking deep breaths. Jamie seemed to have his eyes in the horizon and his mind far away. Lola bit her lip and held Jamie's hand while keeping up with his pace.

"Why did you fight like that, Jamie?" She finally asked the question that was bugging her since she got to Jamie's trailer. Lola was the curious kind, especially when it was something related to the people she cared about.

"Ask your boyfriend, not me." Jamie spit the word "boyfriend" as if it were pure acid in his mouth. "By the way –" He started while letting go of Lola's hand. "I think we should stop with the PDA."

"Why?" Lola's eyes widened and she knew tears were burning in the back of her eyes. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, I just – I'm seeing someone. She wants to keep it a secret, so don't even ask who. But she doesn't like our PDA and I think she's right." There were no feelings in Jamie's eyes and Lola felt her heart ache.

"Su – Sure." It was hard to breath and Lola had to work all her strength to keep walking steadily. Their friendship was shattering like crystal when it hits the floor, and her heart felt like turning into ashes. Worst of all, she did not have anyone to talk to about that. Kevin did not appreciate all her dedication to Jamie, Lily would say whatever it was Lola wanted to hear and hug her, she was not close with the rest of the cast nor crew. Not even Desiré. Not Robert. _Robert!_ She thought.


	14. Harmed and Undone

The time they spent in the hospital was like hell to Lola, Jamie was extremely cold and would not even look at her. If she could, she would have left him there alone. The girl started texting Robert at some point and he pointed that maybe Jamie was weird because he was in a bad mood, but Lola knew it was not the case. Then he suggested it could be that Jamie was really trying with this new girl, but what kind of girl would come between a friendship? Also, it was not something Jamie would put up with. At some point, they started talking about time and space travel and Jamie was forgotten. The ride back to the set was even worse, Jamie kept his radio really loud and at a country song station, it seemed as though he was trying to test or annoy Lola so that she would kill him. When they got to the set, she lost it and started yelling at him.

"I KNOW YOU'RE AN ASS, BUT YOU'RE NOT A COWARD! COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT CRAWLED UP YOUR ASS?" Lola gripped his wrist with all her might and the boy just stared at her. "What did I do that made you hate me so much?" She asked, voice cracking and the editor could feel tears damping her face slightly. "TELL ME OR YOU'RE NOT EVEN MAN ENOUGH TO DO SO?" She swallowed hard trying to keep her voice from coming out hoarsely.

"Let go of me, please. And I don't hate you. I just think we shouldn't be that close, you know?" He said calmly while freeing his wrist from her grip. "We're still friends, Lola. I'm sorry I hurt you, I just think that now we have other people and it's not adequate to behave like a couple ourselves."

Lola's stomach dropped and she could swear her breakfast was trying to burst free from her throat. Everything hurt, every little part of her was breaking. "If that's what you think, Jamie, then there is nothing I can do about it. I just hope you behave yourself until we finish shooting the movie and you will never have to see me again." She started walking away, heart on her sleeve. The girl stopped and turned to look at him, still no expression there. "I know you Jamie, and I know you're lying. I don't know why, but you're lying to me." Then she turned back to her path.

xxx

As soon as Lola reached her trailer, she threw herself on her bed. The girl did not know she could cry so much, she did not know something could hurt so strongly. She felt as though all strength had been knocked out of her and that all she could do was cry, it was as if her whole body could not move up nor down, not in any position. She laid there for what seemed like hours and hours. The editor thought about everything she had accomplished until now and it all seemed so little, she missed her best friends and her home. It seemed as if all of that was in vain. But what bothered her the most was feeling like that because of Jamie, after all she was the fashion editor of an important magazine and the arms and legs of the most feared Melina Forman. Lola had won prizes for her magazine and people would always tell her how great she was what she did. _What am I even doing here?_ She wanted to be there and she wanted to work as a movie's costume designer, she knew that was why she was there_. I'm not this, I'm a freaking Bronx girl who became someone, I will not let the end of my friendship with that idiot ruin all my hard work_. Lola took a deep breath and walked to the bathroom, she looked in the mirror and decided that she had never been such a mess and she had her date with Kevin in a few hours. So the girl decided to take a hot shower and go on from there.

xxx

Kevin was waiting for Jamie in front of his trailer and stood up as the boy neared the vehicle. "We need to talk." He said in a low voice.

"Don't worry, Kevin, I won't get near your girlfriend anymore. I just think that this sort of behavior doesn't agree with you. It's really stupid."

"I know. And I'm sorry." Kevin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, obviously embarrassed. "It's just that, I see the way you look at her Jamie. You have feelings for her and it's not like the two of you don't spend all your time together."

Jamie closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to keep his calm. "Look Kevin, you're my friend. One of my best friends and I would never steal your girlfriend. Besides, she really is into you, she has always been. That's why we became friends, sort of. Don't worry, as I told you, I'm not gonna be holding your girl or spending much time with her anyway. So don't worry and please let me take a shower, mate." Jamie walked toward his trailer and patted Kevin's shoulder when he passed by the other actor.

"Forgiven and forgot?"

"Yeah, sure." And then Jamie was in his trailer, alone. He locked the door and looked at his night table, there was a letter there. Even though all he wanted to do was cry and maybe break some of his things or get drunk, the pink envelope was somewhat attracting. It was sort of weird, since it did not look like a fan letter. The golden boy sat on his bed, letter in hand and opened it. It was from Lola's friend, Emma. He looked at it puzzled. It had a note in white paper and the letter was in a yellow crumpled paper. Jamie read the note first.

**Dearest Jamie Bower, **

**Read carefully and please do something about it.**

** Sincerely, Emma Sivtz.**


	15. Reason and Love

After this, I'll post the last chapters two or even three at a time (because they're spoilery and have no cliff-hangers, so what's the point right?). I can't even believe this fic is almost finished. (: I'm writing the last chapter tomorrow and then it's just posting. Thanks for reading guys and reviewing. Reviews are awesome and this fic got 12 so far (: Reviews always make me post new chapters sooner.

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Jamie read and reread the letter, turning it over in his hand and blinking so much that he thought he would start crying because of all the blinking. He could not believe it, even though he really wanted to. The actor started to go through a million possibilities and outcomes, but all ended the same way. After a while, Jamie gave up on trying to make anything out of that. It was probably a joke, anyway. He just laid on his bed and took his phone out of his pocket. Jamie was never the type to actually fall in love, he liked people but could never imagine falling like this. Loving someone for long was weird and painfully fulfilling. Jamie felt that kind of pain, it was bad and good all at the same and no matter how hard he tried, the actor could not erase the feeling. Whenever she smiled at him or touched him, the boy felt as though the world was in place and everything was just fine. However the last weeks have been harder than ever, Jamie was happy for both Lola and Kevin but his heart would not stop aching. And every time Kevin would touch the editor, Jamie felt that awful feeling inside and an urge to vomit. But in the end, he knew that Kevin was the right guy for Lola, he was the one who should be by her side, not Jamie. And Kevin and he have been friends for a long time now; he did not want to lose that.

After fighting with himself for hours, Jamie decided it was not wise to harm everything he had had so far because of something he did not even know if it was true. The boy stood up and walked from his trailer into the open parking of trailers. He decided it was nice to walk around at night, it helped clear minds up. And he walked, passing by many trailers and a few people from the crew. He passed by Jemima's trailer, but she was probably sleeping or reading her lines. When he reached the back of Godfrey's trailer, she was there and he knew why he had been walking without any conscious direction. Lola looked at him, her face was red and puffy and he knew it was his entire fault. "Can I sit?" He neared her and started sitting.

"No, but I know you will anyway." The girl looked at him coldly and he thought that hell might be like that.

"I'm sorry is not gonna cut it, is it?"

"Not this time, Jamie." She sighed. "If you don't tell me what the hell happened, and stop this habit of yours of suddenly hurt me for no reason apparently –" The editor swallowed hard and closed her eyes. " This will be it."

"I know. Kevin and I fought because he said he was tired of me hitting on you, which I don't, but he thinks I do. Anyway, he is tired of you and I being so close and I don't want you to lose him." The boy said and his voice came out really low, almost a whisper. Then he leaned the back of his head on the trailer's back wall.

"HE WHAT?" Lola's eyes widened and the girl jumped a little.

Jamie could not hold back a laugh and recomposed himself. "Yeah, I found it weird too. But I think he has a point because we are pretty close. And it was all right to be that close when we were both single, but now you have him to give you love and –" Jamie felt his heart crumple in itself and he bit his lip to get a hold of himself. "Well, to take good care of you. Kevin is the best man you could find, Lola. Appreciate it."

The girl just stared at him, eyes still wet. He felt a not in his throat and his stomach flutter. Even after so much crying she looked like one of Van Gogh's paintings, so beautiful and misunderstood. He wanted to reach for her, touch her face and tell her all of the things he was too much of a coward to say.

"Kevin said you have feelings for me." She blurt out for no reason at all. "I knew you wanted to get in my pants when we met." Lola always knew how to make the actor laugh inside even when all he wanted to do was cry. "But is it true, Jamie? You have real feelings for me? They're not gone?"

"I –" The boy took a deep breath and considered telling her everything. There was no running now, and no reason to do so. Jamie himself had ruined their friendship as it was. "I – I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then." He laughed a little, a sad laugh that even could notice how pitiful it was. "When I met you, you seemed to hate me so much for no reason at all and I wanted so bad for us to get along. After a lot of fighting, we became friends –" Jamie took one of Lola's hands in his, sighing and he bit his lip as if this could stop the tears falling slowly and shyly from his eyes. "I didn't even notice that you started occupying my thoughts day and night, but I couldn't approach you like I often do. I knew that and I didn't feel like it, I didn't want to lose you and I couldn't lose you. I can't live without you, and I feel like such a loser." Jamie rubbed his free palm against his temple and took a deep breath, trying to make his voice crack less. "Then Kevin asked you out and I knew it was the end for me. I am happy for you Lola, you deserve to be with the person you love more than anyone I know —"

"Why do you love me, Jamie?" The girl asked in a low voice and Jamie looked at her confused, but decided not to question her sanity.

"Because you're you no matter what and you're a fighter. Because you don't take my bullshit and you don't make of me either more or less than I am. You always believed in me, because nobody cares about me the way you do. I love the way you yell at me because you're worried and trying not to show how much you want me to be fine. I love you because you have a thing about you and people, you say you don't know how to deal with them –" Jamie tightened the grip on Lola's hand and she just kept staring at him. "But I haven't seen anyone dealing with people the way you do, you make connections with people that I have no idea how you're able to do so without getting attached to them. I love you because you're selfless, but you're not self-sacrificing. I love the way you can talk about time travel with Robert for hours and never get tired. I am crazy about the way you are so completely devoted to Doctor Who and how you can feel other people's pains. The way you care about what matters. I love you because I was meant to fall in love with you. And I'm pretty sure, by now, that I'll never fall out of it."

"I – I" Lola was speechless and her chin dropped, the color in her face had drained and Jamie knew he had said too much.

"I'm sorry, you asked and I went too far. Well, then I shall tell you that I'm breaking the PDA because I don't want to see you get hurt. At least, not worse than you already have been." He tried a smile. "By the way, your friend sent me something weird and I supposed it is a joke, right?" Jamie looked for the letter and took it out of his pocket, handing it to Lola.


	16. Don't look back in anger

Hi, the content of the letter will come later. I really don't remember the chapter. So yeah.

Btw, I am rereading some chapters. Gosh, please let me know when I make mistakes, because I always write the fic at night and I end up making insane typing mistakes, so let me know please.

Also, don't hate me OK? Everything will be explained in the last chapter.

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As soon as Lola recognized the paper, she felt her whole body freeze and desperation was laughing at her. The girl dug her fingers in the ground as deep as she could, to keep herself from shaking. All her blood stopped flowing or at least she was sure that was how she felt. Lola took a deep breath and stood up. "I – I have no idea wha-what you're talking abou—t." The editor cleaned her hands on her pants and dashed out of there. While leaving, she knew she was leaving a very confused and unsure Jamie. Lola ran as fast as she could, as far as her lungs could bear. The girl found herself in front of the diner she used to work. "Four blocks and a parking lot, not bad." She whispered breathless.

"Lola?" A voice from behind called for her and a relief washed over the girl in recognition.

"Lily, hey." She turned and took a deep breath, walking toward Lily. "Do you have a minute or maybe an hour?"

Lily nodded. "Sure! But shouldn't you be with Kevin now?"

"KEVIN!" Lola cried out in surprised and soon put her hand on her mouth. "I forgot…" The editor took her phone out of her pocket and there were about ten missed calls. She sent him a message apologizing and telling him she would meet him in his apartment in an hour. "I'm sorry I screamed and for taking your time."

"Don't apologize, I was heading back to the set alone anyway. But you asked me if I had time? Is there anything you want to talk about?" Lily asked while trying to keep up with Lola pace, and since Lola noticed it, she tried to slow down.

"Yes, there is. You are probably the only person to who I can tell it. At least here." Lola turned and stopped in front of Lily. The editor crossed her arms shyly and bit her lip, gathering courage to admit it for the first time aloud what her mind has been telling her this whole time. "I'm in love with Jamie." Lily gasped and Lola rushed to explain. "I love Kevin, I do. And I'm happy with our relationship because I knew I would never be brave enough to risk my heart with Jamie. But the thing is that now I want to. I don't know if what he's telling me about his feelings is true or not, but I want to be with him, Lily. I can't live without him. We were a couple all along and I didn't even realize it because it was so natural and right. Today he broke it up with me and I understood that all this time I was only OK with being friends because we weren't behaving like friends do. But I've always been in love with him. And I hate myself for that, because I'm just like everyone else. Another girl who fell for the beautiful not so beautiful Jamie Bower."

"Hey!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know what you meant, don't worry. Well, I think you should tell both of them how you feel. It's not fair to Kevin, to you, let alone to Jamie. And I'm proud to say I told Jamie a thousand times that you had feelings for him."

"You did what? If you knew, why didn't you just talk to me?"

"I don't get my nose into other people's business. But you have to tell Kevin, he's been through a lot and he's a great friend of mine."

"Kevin is one of the best people I have ever met. And I do love him."

"But he's never gonna be Jamie."

"You know? I had this illusion that the three of us would be like Blair, Chuck and Dan at the end of Gossip Girl, all friends and happy. And Kevin would be my Chuck."

Lily laughed. "As I see it, Jamie is more like your Chuck and Kevin is more like your Dan, actually... Without the plotting and revenge, of course."

Lola shook her head. "Jamie is my Rory."

"Is it a Doctor Who thing?"

Lola laughed and nodded. "Come on Lily, thank you. You sure cheered me up a little."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna tell Kevin everything and fight for Jamie even if he thinks I'm better off with someone else. He knows how I feel, or at least he should. My friend sent him a letter where I vented about my feelings for him and told her how much I loved him. But he thought it was a joke, and then I ran as pale as I could be. So I think he must, at least, be eighty percent sure about my feelings for him."

"You're willing to ruin their friendship for your own sake? That doesn't sound like you at all."

"You're right, I didn't even think about it. I'm gonna tell Kevin that this isn't working anymore and just be gone, you know? I miss my job anyway, and my friends. Also, I have to kill Emma in person, it's more effective." Lola let out a sad laugh and they just kept going, slowly.

When Lola arrived at Kevin's, all her courage was gone and she started to babble about the mending she needed to do on Kevin's costume and Jamie's. The more they talked, the more Lola wanted to run away and forget all of this had ever happened. Kevin was a great person and the type of man anyone would thank the heavens for having in their life, then why Jamie? Of all people, why him? She did not even want to know. She tried so hard to delete him, all her efforts were in vain. It had been half a year and she was still so hung up on him.

"You have that face on again, Lola." Kevin said, holding her hands. They were sitting on the couch and Kevin looked worried. "I've been trying to show you some messages that the fans sent to you, but you don't seem to even know English."

"Never say that again." Lola untangled her hands from his and gestured her finger at him mockingly. "I know everything about everything."

Kevin laughed and cupped one of the girl's cheeks on his hand. "What's the matter? You're doing that thing when you try to be funny and fail miserably because you're not all right."

Lola sighed and took Kevin's hand from her face into hers. She looked at him and pulled him by the collar with her free hand, kissing him with all her might. _Yeah, it's not him at all_. The editor pushed Kevin delicately away and looked at him, feeling her heart tighten inside. "I can't do this, Kevin."

"Huh? You mean sex? I don't care –" He said patiently.

"No –" Lola stood up, her hands shaking so much that she had to grip her thighs to keep them from shaking. "I mean us, Kevin." The editor swallowed hard. "I can't, I'm sorry. I'm keeping you on the hook and that's not fair."

Kevin just stared at the girl and took a deep breath, he stood up. His eyes were cold and harsh but Lola could see a crack of pain and fear started growing inside of the girl. The actor just crossed his arms and kept looking at her, at that Lola backed away slightly. "Is this about Jamie, Lola?"

Lola's eyes widened and she felt her face getting cold as all of her blood started vanishing from there and her heart could not beat and she forgot how to breath. She was surprised, terrified and confused. The fact that Kevin knew about Jamie was not going to help. "Wha – What are you talking about, Kevin? Jamie has nothing to do with us."

"You think I'm stupid? You think I don't know what goes in front of me with the person I love?" He asked while nearing the girl, who only backed away in fear. She did not even know of what.

"I'm sorry –" Lola said in a low voice and started looking at her boots as if they were the most fascinating and intriguing sight in the world. "I'm scum, I know."

"You're – You're not scum, you just – I don't even know. Why him? Why you wasted months of our lives with me?" Kevin sighed and took Lola's hand. "Why don't try and love me?"

"I don't know why him." The editor looked at her boyfriend, sadness written all over his face and her heart broke, she could swear she heard it break. "I tried, Kevin. And I learned, from all of this, that we can't control our hearts and who we love."

"He loves you, you know?"

"I know."

"Why didn't you just –"

"Because I thought it was just Jamie being Jamie and getting a love interest that would be lost in a couple of weeks or so." The girl bit her lip, holding back tears.

"We're done then? You're gonna be with him?"

"Don't worry, Kevin. I don't want to ruin your friendship, I could never do that. I just don't think it's fair to you. I love you, I do. But –"

"As a friend?"

"That too, but not only that. As I fan. I've always been your fan and I actually thought I was in love with you, but I was in love with the idea of you. I had all the usual symptoms of a girl in love, but it's just what fans feel." There was no holding back tears now as they slipped from her eyes. "I'm so terribly sorry."

"It was my fault as well, I knew you were in love with him and I kept thinking you would just get over it with me. Am I not a good boyfriend?"

"You are the most amazing boyfriend in the world, Kevin. Any woman would be the luckiest to have you, but I can't tell my heart who it loves. I'm sorry. Never feel like you're less than amazing, because that's not true." Lola took a deep breath and felt herself being involved by Kevin's arms and his breath touching the curve of her neck. "Kevin –" She whispered, holding him back.

"Just promise me that we're still going to be friends and that all of this will never change it."

"I promise. If you still want to be my friend, I'm lucky."

"You're a great friend Lola, I don't understand how you could think I wouldn't want to be your friend."

"Thanks. It's just that I haven't been a very good person to you, so I wouldn't blame you if you hated me."

"That's not me, OK? I'm not that guy. No hard feelings." Kevin broke the hug and looked at Lola. The girl could see the pain there and also a hint of concern and pity. "What you're gonna do about Jamie?"

"Nothing –" She shook her head. "I told you I'm not coming between you two."

"Lola, you already did and it's not your fault. It's not like you maliciously planned to have Jamie and I interested in you all at the same time." The actor patted her back and stood up. "You want me to take you to the set?"

"Please, I need to sleep soon."

"One more thing, did you know he's the one paying your salary?"

"What?" Lola felt surprise wash over her and her heart tighten. "He did it?"

"Yes, I found out by accident and he doesn't even know I know. But I overheard Zwart and Jamie talking about that one day. It's top secret."

"I'd kill him if it weren't the most selfless thing I've ever seen someone do."

"Yeah…"


	17. Supernova

It was morning and Lola could not get out of her mattress, she had never been so thankful for a Saturday her whole life. She would not have to see the boys if she did not want to. And, right now, she was so confused that she did not want to see either of them, actually not seeing anyone would be just for the best. But the thing about destiny is that it does not ask for permission to ruin your plans, neither does it wait to do so. The editor was packing her things when a knock on her door alarmed the girl a bit. It was a hard knock and she hurried to the door, opening it. It was Robert.

"Hey –"

"Have you seen Jamie?" Robert asked a little breathless.

"No, I haven't seen him since yesterday –" That contraction in her heart was back again. The concern for Jamie's well being was something really hard to live with, but it made Lola feel alive since she had never thought she could have such strong feelings for someone else. "Why? Did something happened?"

"No, I'm looking for the guy because Kevin wants desperately to talk to him and he disappeared." The actor sighed.

"Try the set of Alicante's square. He's always there. But do you know what Kevin wants to talk to him about?"

"No clue, girl. Hey, you're packing?" Robert's eyes widened. "Why are you packing?" The boy took his phone out of his pocket and started texting.

"I – I'm gonna go, isn't it obvious? And who are you texting?"

"Kevin, telling him to try the square. Anyway, it's obvious and you know I'm asking why you're leaving. You can't leave."

"Robert, I really need to go."

"Because you and Kevin broke up?" The actor asked while putting his phone back inside his pocket.

"Seriously, I feel like we live in some sort of gossip reality show, because it is so fast the way news travel around the set." Lola snapped and turned back to her packing. "Anyway, if I can trust you, you may as well know it is not only that."

"Ahm, I overheard Lily and Kevin talking about it, I'm sorry if I overstepped my welcome into your things." The Irish boy said while entering the trailer and closed the door.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm tired." Lola sighed heavily. "I haven't slept and I've been crying my heart out since yesterday."

Robert walked to the editor and held her hand, pulling her to him. The actor held Lola, the way friends do when you need comfort and she held him back. They just stood there, holding each other for a few seconds. And then Robert let go of her.

"You should be with Jamie, you know that?"

"Gosh, does everyone know how I feel about him?" Lola almost yelled but she let out a sad laugh after that. "I can't Robert, it wouldn't be fair to Kevin nor Jamie. Jamie would have to choose."

"Actually, he wouldn't, Kevin isn't a kid anymore and he knows how to deal with stuff better than any of us. We're the kids. Besides –" He started toward the door. "You're making a choice for Jamie and you don't even know what is it that he wants. That's not fair, Lola. And you're not a coward, don't act like one. You should fight for him." The boy opened the door and then he was gone.

Kevin had finally found Jamie, exactly where Robert said he could be. The actor neared the younger man and sat by his side.

"What you want, Kevin?" Jamie asked without even looking at him, playing with the grass under them.

"You're still mad?" Kevin looked at him, trying to make the blonde look at him.

Jamie sighed. "I'm sorry OK? I'm just not in a very good mood." The boy looked at his friend. "Did you treat her well?" Kevin noticed with interest that one could feel all of Jamie's pain if they paid close attention to the boys' eyes.

"No."

"What the hell?!" Jamie's eyes widened and his fingers involved Kevin's collar.

"Easy now, it's not what you're thinking, Jamie." Kevin looked seriously into Jamie's eyes. "She didn't talk to you, did she?"

"Huh? No, but explain yourself before I bloody kill you!" Jamie's pain was all gone and now rage crept up in those eyes.

"First take your fist off my shirt, please." Jamie let go of Kevin's shirt. "Better. We broke up, Jamie. We didn't sleep together."

Jamie looked surprised and blinked as though reality just woke him up, and then he stood up. Kevin stood up as well. "I have to see how she's doing." Jamie said and turned on his heels, but Kevin held his wrist.

"Before, you have to tell her that I'm going to be happy only if she's happy. Could do that for me?" Jamie looked at Kevin and the oldest could see guilt in the singer's eyes. "I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me. I know you always worry about her more than about anyone else. And it's just as it should be. Besides, she needs you Jamie. No one else will do."

Jamie just stood there, looking at Kevin and the actor knew he was fighting himself on whether help Kevin or Lola.

"JAMIE GO! I'm gonna go talk to Lily."

"Fine then." And then Jamie dashed toward the trailers.

Lola had spent the last hour sitting on her bed and looking at her bags. Robert was right, but Lola would not be able to live with the guilt. Her hands slid through her trunk where she kept the things Jamie had given her. She could feel the emptiness inside of her and the way that she could not cry anymore. The editor took a deep breath and got the letter from her pocket. She did not have the courage to call Emma out, because she knew that what Emma did was the right thing and for her own sake. A sort of desperate and insistent knock on the door of the trailer took Lola back to reality.

"Come in."

And there he was, sweaty and breathless. Lola felt her heart being restored just so it could be broken again. Jamie looked like a zombie and maybe even skinnier than his usual self. "Lola."

"What happened to you?" Lola stood up and walked toward the boy. As soon as she got close enough, he involved her in his arms.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here before. Why didn't you tell me you and Kevin broke up?" He was still trying to catch his breath and the editor could feel Jamie's heart racing against the hand she had just place there. She wondered if he could hear hers, as she usually did. Lola held him back and dug her fingers in his shirt and her face in his chest. Jamie always smelled nice, he had that natural wood soapy smell and a bit of sweat. Today he smelled like sweat and alcohol.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to disturb you. Have you been drinking? By the way, who told you that?" For the first time in days, Lola felt like the world was back to its right position and all the stars were aligned as they should be. The heat coming from Jamie made her feel safe and sound, he was the only person who could make Lola feel so exposed and safe at the same time. Only Jamie had the power to give her everything she needed in a hug.

"I've been drinking, but that doesn't matter, I didn't get into trouble or went to the hospital. Kevin told me. By the way, he told me to tell you he will only be happy if you are." As soon as the words were out, Lola felt guilt wash over her but she understood what he meant. Apparently , Jamie did not. "I think he wants you two to get back together, Lola. Isn't it what you want as well?"

Lola sighed heavily and broke away from Jamie delicately. She then held his hand and walked him to the bed, where they sat. The girl got the letter Emma had sent to Jamie and looked at him. "No, it's not. I really don't know if you're just acting dumb or if you're really stupid by birth."

"Is that supposed to be hurtful or just you being you?"

Lola pressed the letter into Jamie's palm. "What you think Jamie? Did Kevin tell you why we broke up?" Jamie shook his head. "Because of you."

"Me?"

"Aff, Jamie Campbell Bower, you're the most stupid, annoying, idiotic, nerve-wrecking –" Lola was cut off by Jamie's hand.

"Please, be short. I'm tired."

She bit his hand and the boy let out a cry that made her laugh. "I'm annoyed by how stupid you can be." The editor stood up. Somehow whenever she was nervous, standing up helped her calm down. But not now, nothing seemed to work now. "This letter Jamie, it's for real." She looked at the boy and his eyes widened, she could see surprise in his face. "You're really that stupid?"


	18. A new chapter

Thanks for all the reviews. Reviews make me want to update earlier. So yeah, I'm writing the 20th chapter and I think it will be the last chapter. If I make any mistakes below, LET ME KNOW PLEASE! I gotta stop writing it and not reviewing before posting ): I noticed I wrote "not" instead of "knot" once and crossedly instead of "crossly" all the time. Don't fear and let me know, please hahahah

Anyway, "i dont know how to feel i feel like tessa im in love with kevin and jamie equally i wouldnt know how to choose" LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL I hadn't thought about it that way.

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_You saw me start to believe for the first time, you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter_ (I'm not proud but yeah, it's kinda the song that inspired me during the fic and it agrees with the moment)

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"I'm stupid? You were the one who dated someone else and seemed to be living the dream." Jamie sighed heavily and stood up in front of the girl. "Although, there was always something in your eyes that told me you weren't quite alright. And this is why it didn't feel right being with Kevin. You said you didn't know why."

"Fine, I'm stupid. Gosh, I'm so stupid. I never meant to fall in love with anyone, especially not you." The girl passed her hands through her hair.

"Thank you." Jamie said and Lola could hear the hurt in his voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Everyone falls for you, everyone feels charmed by you and everyone wants you. I was so proud I wasn't like that. And here I am, head over heels for you."

"Lola, you're not like them." The actor took both of the girl's hands and placed his forehead on hers. "You never were. You got to know me before actually liking me, Lola. And even when you did, you tried to be careful with your feelings." Jamie backed his head a little bit and looked into Lola's eyes. "And even now you can't say you love me. I want you to say you love me. Three words, eight letters, say it and I'm yours."

Lola let out a laugh in the midst of the tears that were going down on her face and let go of Jamie's hands, to touch the actors face. The editor started caressing the boy's face delicately. "You think you're so charming quoting things I like."

"I know I am, and I'll always quote things you like. Because we'll always be together. You and I, always. Remember?"

Lola's heart sped up in ways she could never describe. The girl took a deep breath. "I love you Jamie. I love the way you annoy me to death and the way you like to say stupid things out of the blue, I love the way you're always picking someone to jump at for the pure pleasure of annoying someone else. I love the way you can read me like no one has ever been able to before.I love the way you take such good care of me even when I tell you I can make it on my own and you know it's all a lie and I need you because I always need you. I love the way you were the only one who could break into my life and have permission to help me up. I love every single thing about you. I never thought I could feel that way about anyone. I love you more than I could ever love anything else. Much more."

"I – More than you love Doctor Who?"

Lola sighed heavily and slid her hands to the boys' collar. "If you don't kiss me right now, I'll scream and tell people you tried to take advantage of me." Lola felt her lips curving upwards.

Jamie smiled and closed his eyes, as did Lola. The boys' hands took place at the editor's back while his lips were pressed against hers and the girl could feel everything melt inside of her. All of her logical thoughts were gone and everything was Jamie and his lips. And his closeness, his warmth, his smell, his texture. The deeper the kiss became, even deeper she wanted it to be. Lola wanted to be devoured by him, she wanted to know every single space of his skin, of his tongue and mouth. Finally Jamie slid his tongue between her lips and the girl drove them apart so the boy could have his way inside her mouth. The minute his tongue entered her mouth, Lola let out a soft moan and she could feel Jamie's grip on her tighten. The girl took her hands to his hair and slid them to his back, digging her nails there when both their tongues touched. She had never felt such reactions to a simple kiss, it was as if only Jamie's touch could take her to a whole new level of sensations and reactions. And then their tongues were battling each for command as both their bodies came so close that no air could come between them and Lola could feel Jamie's heartbeat and his body shiver. As the kiss intensified, Jamie's hands would go deeper and lower on Lola's back. She could feel how much he wanted her and her body knew just how much she wanted or even needed him. The girl started scratching the actor's back instinctively as he sucked her mouth a bit too intense and all her body felt like becoming ashes. The way he tasted, nobody could taste that good, nobody could feel that good. The girl felt like she could reach a state of pure pleasure just by kissing him. But when she felt she was so close, the need for air broke their kiss and Jamie placed their foreheads together. Lola opened her eyes and that should be the most amazingly beautiful sight in the world, Jamie breathless and blushing and all because of her; that was the moment she knew she did not need anything else. Silence fell for a few moments, since both were so breathless and Lola was too lost in her feelings to think clearly that they just stood there looking into each others' eyes. And for the first time in her life, Lola felt as though she knew what happiness was all about, that kind of happiness you see in fairy tales and she read in books.

* * *

The Letter:

**Dear Emma,**

**I think I'm screwed. No, I definitely am. He drives me crazy and I want to just punch him in the face whenever he opens his mouth. He is nothing but trouble and he makes my blood boil like it never did. I always have to clean up his messes and I am always worried. But he makes me feel so comfortable and understood, he takes good care of me and treats me as if I were something so special and fragile. Nobody dares to treat me as fragile, you know that. But he knows me, he reads me like a book he has memorized a long time ago. Like no one else was ever able to do. I never meant to feel the way I do. But I'm in love with him... So deeply and desperately that it makes me want to punch myself. I can't live without him, a day doesn't go by that I don't fear our goodbye and that I will never have him around anymore. I am trying so hard to kill all these feelings. I love my boyfriend so much, and he makes me happy. But he's not him. You know? You know what I mean, I know you do. And I know he thinks he's in love with me but he just isn't. He's always falling in and out of love. I'm happy just to be friends, I just don't know how long it's gonna last and how long he'll last single. You know me, I'm not this. I'm so deep into him, it's terrifying.**

**xoxo Lola**


	19. Jamie

I already apologize for my mistakes and the poor sex scene. I suck at sex scenes because I never read porn and I feel awkward writing it. Anyway, sex scene. Horrible.

And to the anon who asked for Lemon, did you read my fic at all? Because it's not boyxboy love. Although I'm thinking about writing a Malec fic, I just don't have any prompt ideas, so if you do, please let me know.

Again, I'm sorry I can't write good sex scenes.

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After Lola and Jamie recovered their breath, the girl was the first one to speak. "You never gave up on me. You stood by me through everything and you never complained." She was now playing with the hair on the back of Jamie's neck, what made the boy shiver so intensively that she could feel him shake a little.

"I want you to be happy. That's what I want the most, even more than I want you. And I thought Kevin was your happiness. I wanted you to have that." The boy's hands were caressing Lola's back and she could feel his warm breath touching her face delicately.

"You are my happiness, and you are my everything. You have always been and you always will be. I didn't have a choice, I had no choice. But I know in my heart that, even if I did, I would choose you. You are my dream, a dream I didn't even want to acknowledge because I was sure it would never be true and here you are. I want you, Jamie. I need you, now." She looked him in the eyes, trying and hoping she could express how much she desired him.

"The things you say… It's still so surreal, the two of us together and –"

"Jamie." The girl untangled from him and sighed heavily. And then she walked to the door and locked it, turning down the light glow to a smooth dim. "I want you, Jamie. I w-a-n-t you! You got it?"

"I'm not that stupid." Jamie laughed, blushing a little. It was so adorable, Lola thought. He took her hand and pushed her back to him. "I'm glad you do. Because I don't think I can contain myself anymore. That kiss really broke all my self-control, you know?"

"You're not the only one, Jamie." Lola felt her cheeks heating up and took a deep breath. The girl drove her hands to the collar of Jamie's jacket and slid it off slowly, eyes on his. "I've never done something like this before. I almost never had any experience with anyone and it would take me months to even think about it. So don't think I'm easy, I'm not."

Jamie laughed hard and smiled. "I know you Lola, and I feel special because I have you like I know no man has before and never will, I won't let them."

The girl giggled and started taking off the actor's shirt. Jamie was so slender and bony, and even though she was used to muscular very well built guys, Lola felt her heart skip a beat and had to catch her breath. After throwing the shirt somewhere on the floor, the girl started sliding her hands through Jamie's chest and she could see him blush. It was not the first time she had seen him without his shirt on, but it felt like it. The boy took his hands to the hem of her own sweatshirt and the editor could feel her own body trembling a little. She looked into his eyes, they had become more black than blue, his pupils a bit bigger than usual and she knew he was feeling the same way she was. And he took off her shirt. As soon as his eyes could see her undressed upper body, he bit his lower lip and Lola smiled a shyly.

"I'm sorry, I can't take it anymore." Jamie's voice came out a bit hoarse and he pulled the girl to him, attacking her lips with a certain voracity that took Lola completely out of her yet little put still present control. The girl drove her hands to the actor's shoulders and dug them in there, feeling the hot flesh between her nails and the top of her fingers, that little and intense interaction was enough to make her feel this wave of burning passion through her veins as she never did before. Then they were kissing with such intensity and passion that Jamie walked with Lola to the next wall and pressed her against it. The girl could feel every inch of his body on hers, what made her insides contract and the kiss was deepened. The kiss was a mess of tongues fighting violently to feel every piece of skin inside each other's mouths and sometimes Jamie would suck her mouth as though he wanted to drink from her. The boy's hands were squeezing her back and sides with such strength that she knew she was red all over. The girl couldn't contain herself anymore, every stimulus, every touch and the way they kissed; then she started moaning between the kiss every so often. Lola took her hands from Jamie's slightly wet shoulders and took them to the waist of his pants, and started undoing his belt then his button and zipper. And then Jamie broke the kiss, obviously out of air and started biting the girl's skin slightly, he chin and then her neck. The editor supported herself strongly against the wall, feeling as though her own body would never survive that. Although the girl had not been with many men in the past, she had never been so sensitive and vulnerable to anyone's touch. Jamie was too much. Lola could feel her sanity leaving her body as his teeth savored her skin and she arched her body a little while taking her hands to his shoulders again, for some balance. And then the actor's hands were in her bra and untying it in a hurried movement. As soon as it was off, Lola felt her cheeks heat up and she knew she was blushing. She could almost feel Jamie's smile.

"Beautiful." That was enough to make a rush of pleasure and anxiety go through the girl's body. And then Jamie's lips were in one of her nipples and her fingers went deeper in his shoulders. There was no controlling her reactions anymore, there was no reason in the world anymore. Her whole body was burning and melting in itself. Jamie was obviously very skilled and his tongue moved so expertly on her skin while his hands were undressing her from her skirt. When Jamie's tongue left her skin, the girl left out a shy cry of complaint and he pushed her to near the bed again, and then he started taking off his pants and shoes while Lola got off of her socks and tried not to blush violently while taking off her panties. By the time the girl got back to looking at him, Jamie was naked and he instantly pushed her to sit on top of him and got back to attacking her lips. Lola's hands started exploring each and every inch of Jamie's naked body with hunger and desire. The kiss was getting more and more violent and Jamie would bit the girl's lower lip at times. When the need for air came again, the editor started with her lips through Jamie's neck, biting and sucking it without caring about how wounded she would leave the place; one of her hands was appreciating the warmth of his chest and the other involved the boy's intimacy which was already excited enough. Lola could feel it hot and wet in her hand, it was throbbing more than she expected it to be.

The girl kept biting and savoring Jamie's skin while making a trail through his chest down and she felt his hands taking her hair and pulling it a bit too harshly, not that she cared. By the time it was impossible to keep sitting on Jamie, the girl kneeled on the floor in front of him. She looked up and she could see he wanted it as much as she did, that he was just as unstable as she was and she couldn't wait any longer to taste him. First Lola slid her tongue over the top of the boy's member and he moaned in a low voice, and then her teeth were teasing the place and she could feel the actor pulling her hair a bit violently. And then all of him was inside her mouth and she knew he couldn't keep control over his reactions because the boy moaned and started pushing her head to him. The girl started sucking his member intensively while her hand would stroke the base of it, following her mouth's speed. And her head would go up and down while her mouth could taste all of him, as she has been wanting for so long. Every time the top of his intimacy would be trapped in Lola's throat, the boy would call her name in a very intense hoarsely voice. Slowly, the editor stopped her movements on his member and stood up, laughing a little because of the small scowl on Jamie's face.

"I want you, don't you want me?" She teased the boy, and that was more than enough to have Jamie pulling her to him and then they were turning and laying on the bed, the boy on top of her. The actor kissed her softly on the lips and positioned himself between her legs. After a few attempts, he found the right position. And then he started stroking his own intimacy, preparing himself to penetrate her. The girl looked at him and nodded her head as she noticed he was waiting for her approval. Soon enough he was inside of her, slowly and then completely. The editor let out a moan and pushed him to her, her hands on his shoulders again. And then his back, and they were kissing. Jamie had his hands on her waist to keep her in place while he started moving inside of her, and the girl moaned every so often in his mouth because of the stimulus he was giving her. Their bodies there, naked and exposed and tangled; they were one. It was as if the world were never there and there were only ever both of them. Lola could feel every piece of his body and the heat coming from it, the taste of his mouth and its texture. His tongue was the most marvelous thing Lola had ever had the pleasure of tasting and his hands were so firm on her waist. Her nails would scratch his back violently whenever he moved inside of her and her body arched. The boy broke the kiss and looked at her. His eyes were full of all the emotions Lola knew hers were too and that insane desire that felt like consuming her from inside out.

"More…" The girl was pleading among her breathless and senseless speech she did not even know she was proclaiming. And Jamie tended to it obediently. He started moving faster and going deeper inside of the girl, who had lost all her commands and senses somewhere down this path. Her hands flew to the sheets and she started pushing them. Even Jamie's hands fell to the mattress and he kept on going even faster and further. The boy dug his head on the bed, his cheek touch Lola's and he lifted his hips a little, so that the movements would flow easier and then he was going in and out of her violently, and the girl shivered and contorted herself out of pleasure, crying out his name among moans and incomprehensible sounds. The more he invested, the closer she got to her climax. The boy held Lola and kissed her before undoing himself inside of the girl, groaning inside her mouth. As soon as Jamie came inside of her, the editor reached her climax and let out a scream, leaving the boy's mouth. Lola arched hard and then fell on the bed, breathless and without knowing who she was.


	20. Smell of Happiness

I'm sorry it took me so long to update.

I was busy with work and school. (Weirdly, I do have a life ahahah)

Anyway, thanks for all your amazing lovely reviews. This fic was supposed to have like 20 chapters. But since some people asked for marriage and so, I'm gonna write an extra chapter. I don't know when. But reviews really inspire me to write more. I hope you like it. And I'm sorry for mistakes, I've been writing at night again. And I didn't have the time to review it.

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Jamie opened his eyes slowly and looked at Lola, lying by his side. She looked so peaceful and sweet, a smile took over Jamie's lips and he involved the girl in his arms. The actor still could not believe they were together and she was there, he had had her so willingly and so vulnerable. That morning he could feel she needed him; she wanted him as much as he wanted and needed her. He just lied there smelling her hair and thinking about how lucky he was. Jamie looked for a clock but the girl had none and then he tried taking his arm from beneath her without waking Lola up, but it was too late. The editor turned to face Jamie and stretched her body slightly. Jamie smiled thinking about how it all seemed a dream.

"Is it night already?" Lola asked and her voice sound sleepy.

"Well –" Jamie reached for his watch. "It's five, yet."

"I don't want to get up." The girl pushed the sheets to cover her body and moved to lie upon Jamie's chest. She rested her chin on her hands and stared at him, making his whole body shiver.

"Was it good?"

The editor blushed slightly and hid her eyes in her hands. "You know it was, why do you ask?" Jamie felt victory fulfill him, making Lola blush was not easy.

"I wanted to hear it from you so I'd know it's not a dream." The boy started caressing both of Lola's arms delicately and she was looking at him again, but she had pain in her eyes. "Why do you have that guilty look on again?"

"Because I was stupid and I hurt the person I love the most. I was a coward and I missed so much because of it. I feel guilty because I gave hope to someone who never had any. How could anyone ever have any chance to win my heart with you around? I feel guilty because I am, I am guilty because I couldn't be strong nor brave enough to fight against my own stupid fear for you and you never gave up on being by my side. Even when you thought I loved someone else. I'm sorry I was so stupid, I'm sorry I didn't fight for you when you always fought to be by my side. I'm sorry I hurt you when all you ever did was take good care of me. I'm sorry I broke your heart on a daily basis for so much time when you were the only who really cared about mine and the only one my heart truly cared about." Lola inclined her upper body and started kissing Jamie's chin. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you when I should have and when you trusted me like you never did anyone else." She then kissed his nose and right cheek. "I'm sorry I didn't realize that your heart was beating for mine." And then she kissed his forehead. "I'm sorry I couldn't admit to myself that you are worth a million heartbreaks." The girl then kissed his mouth slightly and looked into his eyes.

Jamie did not even know what to say, so he just stayed there in silence for a couple of minutes, admiring Lola's features and her eyes that had so that weird light to them. "Don't say that, you're not stupid. And if you were, so was I. I couldn't notice your feelings and now that I think about it, they are really obvious. I'm just glad our story had a happy ending. Or happy beginning, right?" The boy cupped the editor's face in his hands and kissed her with all his might. "I want to be with you and I'm with you and nothing will change that, it's all that matters to me. Lola, I want you to be my girlfriend, officially and definitive. I want the world to know you're mine and I don't care about the past. I would wait for you a lifetime if it were necessary. Not only because you're worth the wait but also because there is no one else that understands me like you do and no other who would possibly make me happy. Even if you wound up with someone else I'd be by your side forever because my life isn't much of a life without you."

Jamie watched with interest while a silly but really charming smile and expression took over Lola's lips and face, her cheeks burning a bright red. "Shut up and kiss me. That is, if you want me to say yes."

Jamie grinned and took his hand to Lola's waist, propping her up. And they were kissing, the boy could feel his heart racing as well as hers, they were beating in unison, racing at the same speed. Whenever they were together, Jamie always felt as if they were one and all of that was so right. Even while being just friends, it never seemed like they were two. He felt bad because of Kevin, but such a beautiful and warming feeling could not be wrong. The boy slid his hands through the editor's back while the girl explored his chest and the kiss intensified. Jamie could feel his body waking to her touch, when someone started knocking heavily at the door and Lola broke the kiss.

"Seriously?" He looked at her annoyed.

"It may be something serious." The girl stood up and started dressing herself. Jamie did the same.

"Hey, is anyone there?" A very well known voice came from the other side of the door and Jamie could see Lola freeze and the girl's eyes widen.

"Yep, what's up Kevin?"

"I can't find Lola anywhere? Is she there?" Jamie could almost feel Lola's desperation and the girl seemed to have forgotten she was dressing up because she just stood there still. She looked at Jamie and nodded as if waking up from a long dream and got back to dressing up.

"Yeah." Jamie was short and walked to the bathroom. He knew it was stupid, but he felt jealously eating him from inside out. Lola looked at him and he waved her concern, locking himself in the bathroom. The actor could hear the girl leaving the trailer and took a deep breath. Showering was in need.

Kevin almost fell of the stairs when Lola left Jamie's trailer and the girl felt her whole body cold, she did not know if it was shame, guilt or the cold air of Toronto. Probably altogether. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Am I interrupting something important? I'm sorry." Kevin had the same expression of hurt he had when the girl told him the truth about her feelings and Lola swallowed hard, guilty washed all over her.

"Of course not. I'm sorry if I sounded rude, I just woke up. So, what happened?" She looked at the actor without knowing exactly how to even look at him, let alone how to act around him. The editor then started playing with the hems of her sleeves and stared at them as though they were the most amazing thing made by humankind.

"Actually, I have some good news for you. Emma is coming to Toronto. You left your phone in my house and I answered it because she was calling you too much." Kevin handed the girl her phone and she smiled.

"Yeah, she doesn't have my new number. Thank you Kevin. When is she arriving?"

"She said she is going to call you. She is very nice, you know? I liked talking to her."

"Emma is great." The whole thing was really awkward and Lola wanted to go back to the trailer so desperately.

"Did you sleep with him?" Lola's eyes went up and wide, she could feel her face hot and did not know whether it was out of anger or embarrassment, maybe even surprise. Kevin was the type of guy you would expect to ask something like that.

"I'm sorry, but that's too personal and I have no idea what came over you to ask me that. Please, do leave." The girl regretted her cold tone as soon as she finished answering the actor and saw a sad look starting to take form on his face, even a little bit of shame. "I'm sorry Kevin. I didn't mean to be cruel, but this is too personal and I don't want to hurt you."

"You must really love him and he is probably your "the one", because it was so easy for him."

Lola rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. "Whatever, I need to take a shower and go back to bed. I'm sorry, I'm tired. Again, thank you." And the girl left before an answer could be uttered by Kevin.

As soon as Lola got into the trailer, Jamie was leaving the bathroom. "I have to go. Take a shower." His voice was so cold and distant and the look on his face so perfectly set to an indifferent expression.

"Now I can't be friends with him? That's not how it's gonna be, and if that's so then you're stupid if you're thinking I'll stop –"

"Will you shut up? What hurt me was the fact that you froze when he knocked on the door and acted as if we were in sin or something. And you hesitated."

"Aff –" The editor sighed and walked toward Jamie, she looked at him and swallowed hard. "What you wanted my reaction to be, Jamie? We were together for six months and we barely gotten to second base. The second I break up with him, he gets here and finds us together and he's smart, he knows we did it. And I knew he'd know. I don't wanna hurt him more than I already did. And I don't want to ruin your friendship, because it is really beautiful and I am a fan of it. Besides, it's not fair to hurt Kevin like this. I still feel guilt for being with him when I knew it would never work. I used him, not consciously but I did. It's only normal I felt kinda bad about him catching us here. It's too recent. Please, understand."

Jamie sighed and rolled his eyes, and then involved Lola in his arms. "I love the way you always think about the others, you know? The way you can be so much more mature and thoughtful than I could ever be. I'm sorry." And he kissed her sweetly. "But I do need a bath."

The girl laughed and stared into those beautiful expressive eyes. "I love you Jamie, more than I could ever love anyone, but you can be a pain sometimes. Anyway, we could shower together. But really shower." Lola uttered the last sentence firmly as she saw the grin on Jamie's lips. "Just because we did it once, it doesn't mean we're gonna do it whenever the chance comes."

"You're such a party pooper."

"Slow steps, OK?"

"Slow steps. But I know in my heart, we're gonna be together forever. And we'll marry and have kids." The actor said, a silly smile on his face and his eyes bright and even bluer than usual.

"Shut up." It was all she could manage.


	21. You and me, Always

I'm sorry if it's no good, I tried my best.** Btw, do you want me to write their marriage? I didn't know if I should. If not, this is the last chapter.** If so, I'll make another one. Ideas for Malec fics? AU is preferred.

Explaining some things:

TARDIS is the ship used by the Doctor to travel in space and time.

Amelia is one of the Doctor's Companion (Google it and you'll find a definition), and when she met the Doctor she was just a little girl and he asked her name, the scene is like this:

Doctor: What's your name?

Amy (Amelia): Amelia Pond.

Doctor: Wow, that's a brilliant name, like a name in a fairy tale.

That's why I thought of it, and because I really would name my kids after them. I love Clara, she's my favorite Companion but her name is too common, and I sort of have a thing for her, so it'd be weird, to say the least. But I won't have any kids, so yeah.

Thank you for reading the fic and reviewing, it means a lot. I was thinking about writing more fics like this one, I don't know.

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Seven years later...

It was amazing that even five years of being with Jamie, Lola still felt as if it were all one big beautiful dream and what was even more unbelievable was the fact that every single day she could find out another piece of him that the girl love him even more. The editor never wanted to get married, let alone have kids. And there she was, with Jamie, married for two years and they had been the best years of her life. They have known each other for seven years now and he always made the days seem different and special. She could not believe the way her life turned out, married and two children – one was a year and a half old and the other on the way. She could still remember the day Jamie proposed.

# Flashback #

They had been walking all over the BBC headquarters when Lola finally came to a stop and looked at Jamie, impatiently. She could feel her face showing how he got to her nerves. "Please, Jamie, what is it you want to tell me. If you want to break up –"

"How can you say that?" The boy was shaking and sweating although the weather was icy and Lola could not help but shiver what let to Jamie's jacket ending up on her.

"Then please tell me, you did not bring me just so we could tour around, we have done this before. On our first year anniversary."

"Glad you remembered. That is why we are here." He looked at her and, as usual, Lola's heart would warm up and her insides melted. Every time Jamie looked at the girl, it made her feel as though he was undressing her and his fingers were sliding over her bare skin. Her heart would race up and skip beats as thought it was actually racing and tripping over. He had a wide smile on his beautiful lips that spread all over his face and covered his oceanic eyes – eyes that seemed to take her in so deeply and search the darkest corners of her soul. Lola felt as though she were made of pure thunder and fire whenever she allowed herself to get lost in those beautiful dangerously seductive eyes. Her boyfriend then took her hand and guided her toward her favorite part of the set, the inside of the TARDIS, she has always been in love with this particular place.

"Why are we here, James?" He stiffened whenever she called him by his name.

"You'll know in a second. Why can't you just be patient?" The boy asked while they entered the place.

"Because Emma –" Lola stopped talking abruptly when she realized the place had been prepared for some sort of indoors picnic and a smile started forming on her lips, she could feel. "It's beautiful, my love." She said as her eyes took in the sight of the picnic basket on the floor of the TARDIS and a towel under it, petals of roses spread all over the center of the control panel of the TARDIS, and she noticed there was a small blue box – TARDIS blue box, actually. "What's –"

"Wait here." The boy asked and ran to the panel, gathering the box in his hand. Then he rushed back to Lola, his cheeks red and nervousness all over his face. The image of Jamie so vulnerable made the girl ache to touch him, but she knew she should not. He neared her and his hand cupped one of her cheeks, his eyes a little watery and her heart stopped. He was going to do something monumentally stupid, she was sure of it. He always had that look on when he knew he was going to get hurt. The actor took a deep sharp breath and bit his lip. "Lola, I remember of the day we met and the first that crossed my mind when I saw you falling down was of how beautifully you could fall, I think I never said that." Lola felt rage rising from the pit of her stomach and her cheeks heat up. Jamie laughed and touched his forehead to hers. Lola has never been the type to allow people to touch her for than five seconds, let alone like it. Even when she had dated, she did not like it. But with Jamie it had always been different. She needed him to touch her and needed his nearness, she ached for him in a way that has always frightened and impressed her. "I remember when you told me you didn't believe in love and that it was a fairy tale fantasy, that it only worked on books. The first time you told me about Doctor Who and I could see all the love you had for the show, and I was impressed as to how someone could look transpire such beautiful feelings. I also remember our first hug and the first time you nursed me – I recall wishing to be sick forever just so you could be with me like that forever. I remember when I realized my feelings for you were of love, that I was in love with you. You were shouting at me because I didn't want to wake up and I thought to myself that I had always allowed only you to treat me like that, right from the very beginning." The boy backed away from her and inch or so, and stared seriously into her eyes, love emanated from his painfully beautiful blue eyes. Blue has always been Lola's favorite color and, after Doctor Who, TARDIS blue became her favorite shade of blue. Although, nothing could compare to how much she favored the shade of blue that Jamie's eyes were. And it had become her favorite nuance of the color.

"Why the walk through memory lane now?" She asked mockingly and regretted it immediately as pain became visible on her beloved's face. "I'm sorry, my love, please continue. I love when you tell our story." Lola was always horrible when it came to being romantic, although Jamie had taught her very much about it ever since they started dating and only him could bring this side of her, so very well hidden in the deepest of her personality.

Jamie's expression of pain vanished and he smiled again, the silly smile that was only hers. The editor took one of her hands to the actor's chest while the other was held by his. "I can't tell how many nights I would stay awake thinking of you and counting the seconds to see you again. And have you in my arms and to listen to your voice. You never judged me like the others did, you never expected more nor less of me. You always expected me. Nothing but me. And I couldn't deny you that because I was yours, have always been and will always be for what ties me to you is stronger than I'll ever be and far beyond my understanding. You said I made you believe in love, true love. And you made me believe in myself, you made me believe in forever. And above all else, in happiness. When I think about future, I can only relate it to you, for there is no me without you. I can't be me if there is no you. You and me, always. I know you never wanted any of this –"

"Jamie –" She sighed and he shook his head as if asking her to not interrupt him. And Lola was impressed by how much she knew him.

"Lola Stinson Morgan, " He knelt down on one knee, without releasing Lola's hand, and the girl took a painfully sharp breath. "Will you be my wife for I can't bear another day without being your husband?"

And there she was, breathless and wordless. Jamie sure knew how to please her. Although the proposal seemed a mockery, she knew he meant it as a romantic gesture, knowing how much she loved books and formal language. Even if she herself did not make use of such things as often. The only thing her brain could process as a response was the stretching of her hand so that Jamie could put the ring on her finger and he did as much. But she could not take it anymore and pushed the boy upward, her fiancé. She kissed him while wrapping her arms around his neck and could feel the startle of his body in response, but then he relaxed and involved her on his arms by the waist. As the kiss deepened and their tongues fought for dominance violently, Lola could feel what she did whenever they were so close, a volcano inside of her – erupting with emotions only Jamie was able to cause on her, reactions that were all his. After a moment, she broke off the kiss and Jamie looked at her disappointed. She giggled and took her hand back to his beautiful face, touching every line of his traits. "_You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick. Then there is other people and you meet them and you think "not bad, they're OK". And then you get to know them and their face just sort of becomes them, like their personality is written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful." _She knew he knew she was quoting her favorite romantic line of all the romantic lines she had ever read or seen, the one when Amelia talked about Rory when she had to convince her future self to help Rory save her. "You, James Bower, are the most beautiful man I have ever met and you always will be, for I don't believe anyone could ever compare. Actually, I'm sure of it. Therefore, I'm the luckiest woman in the Universe." She looked in his eyes, as deeply as she could. "Nothing would make me happier than having you calling me wife and share a life with you. I've never even wished for falling in love, let alone marry. But you made me want more than a career and success. You made me want love and you made me want you more than life itself. I know I'm not like you, Jamie. I'm not good at words, so I pray my actions, my eyes, my body can show you just how much I'm yours and how much I love you and that I couldn't be happier."

# Flashback Ended #

Lola was taken from her reverie by the sound of something smashing against the floor and looked up. "DOCTOR! What in the name of sanity you think you're doing?"

"Mama, sorry." Even though she had grown used to being a mother, Lola still had much of self-control when it came to anger.

"Come here, don't worry, it's just a vase. But it's dangerous, my son." She said in a softer voice as the little boy approached her. Doctor had taken after Jamie, the beautiful blue eyes and blond hair, big hands and a slim body. Although his personality was all his mothers'. "Promise me you will be more careful." She required while the boy took place on her lap.

"He can't, my dear." It was Jamie, coming in from the door that led to the kitchen. "He's a Bower after all, reckless."

"Don't encourage him, my love." Lola said, anger painting her tone, she could hear it herself. The boy got down from her lap and ran to his room, the girl laughed. "He's still mad at you for yesterday."

"I know." Jamie said and sat beside his wife. He looked her in the eyes. "What shall we name her?" He touched the editor's stomach trough the soft fabric of her top and she smiled back at him. "And please don't say something weird like Impossible Girl."

Jamie knew how to make Lola laugh as she had never before him. "No, I will not. And Doctor is a beautiful name." She made a face and Jamie leaned to kiss her lips delicately, soon pushing her to his own lap. The girl sat with her lags around his and faced him, her elbows on his shoulders and her eyes on his. Jamie placed his hands on her thighs and she felt her whole body explode and her insides tighten. "After all the years –"

"What?" The boy looked puzzled.

"You still have the greatest of holds on me. And causes me to feel in a way I couldn't possible explain. However back to the point, our baby girl will be Amelia."

"That's a great name."

"Like a name in a fairy tale." Said Lola, and then she shut her eyes and allowed Jamie to embrace her tightly while her body felt as melting into his and her mouth savored all of his. She did not choose Amelia only because she was a Companion of the Doctor, if there were the case, Lola would have chosen Clara, for she was her favorite female Companion. She chose Amelia because this was Lola's fairy tale and she did not want to go back to a world without it. When she first arrived at Toronto, seven years ago, she could not imagine she would end up finding more than the accomplishment of a dream, but the most beautiful of fairy tales.


	22. The Measure of Love

So I finished The Infernal Devices yesterday and OMG, fangirl-in-a-fandom-world WAS SO RIGHT! Anyway, I used some TID references and Doctor Who references (you really need to watch Doctor Who to understand why my life is this show).

Well, last chapter. But I'm thinking about writing a fic out of TID, but with James and a girl (named Amelia loool) as main characters. Because I love him so much and I want him to end up with someone better than Tessa (I love Tessa, but she isn't deserving of him, IN MY OPINION). It would be modern, post Jessa last encounter. But Tessa wouldn't kiss him, she would let him walk away and he would try to live his life. Or I'm thinking of something even better, Heronstairs. So let me know if you have any thoughts about it.

I'm gonna miss you all a lot. But everything's got to end sometime. Otherwise nothing would ever get started.

I'll miss you tho. It's been a pleasure. Await for one day I'll have my novel published and you can buy it and then contact me because it's gonna be the worst novel you've ever read and you want your money back.

I truly love you all who stuck with me to the very end.

(Yeah, fandoms - I volunteer to make fics out of your prompts, if I can)

Lola had checked her reflection in the mirror so many times she was surprised it had no broken upon her image or that it had not memorized her every trait. She was shaking as she had never before and her insides were crumpling in themselves. She remembered of when she was a child and her mother would talk to her about she should never trust a man, for her father had abandoned her family without a second thought and her chest ached. She looked at her ring that Jamie had so carefully had made for her, the lonely diamond the shape of her beloved TARDIS and she knew her mother had been wrong, she knew that the moment she had first opened up to Jamie – his eyes an ocean of sincerity and his arms around her steady and firm, from that moment on she knew he would always be her rock. The, now, editor-in-chief took her hands to the pendant at her chest. Jamie was most certainly a romantic, in his extremely peculiar way that seemed to fit so perfectly in hers. The necklace about her neck bore a jade pendant, with the same inscriptions as Tessa's had, the one James had given her as a promise of his undying love and, now, her Jamie had had the same promise made when giving it to her just a week before the wedding.

#Flashback#

Lola got home feeling so tired and she knew she could just throw herself into the couch and sleep until the break of dawn. However, as soon as she opened the door of her apartment where she had been living with her fiancé for years now, the boy was waiting for her and all her burden seemed softer, not to say nonexistent. She felt her shoulders relax and dropped her purse in the table near the door as she closed it. The girl walked toward Jamie and involved his neck in her arms, smiling widely. She felt his arms going about her body and shivered as she always did and by now she knew she always would. He kissed her hair, her cheek and dug his face into her neck, making the editor feel her knees giving and she gripped tighter on him.

"I have a surprise for you, my love." The boy said and reluctantly drew back from her, making Lola sigh a little frustrated. Jamie laughed at her reaction, his eyes almost disappearing in his face, as they always did when he would smile or laugh so widely. "I never thought Lola Morgan would be disappointed because of not having human contact, you do have feelings!" He said mockingly and Lola slapped his arm lightly, doing her best to look angry.

"Oh shut up, James!"

"You know, I love when you call me by my name, although I feel I am going to get killed every time you do."

"What do you have for me?" The girl was growing anxious, Jamie knew how to give you as many good surprises as bad. And she could not help but feel a little unease whenever he said he had a surprise for her.

"Here." He took a small red box from his pocket and handed it to her.

"Jewelry?" She asked as her hand grasped the box. "You're coming along nicely, Bower." She said teasing him, but he seemed too anxious to even care. The girl opened the box and froze. Her heart seemed to have lost a beat and the air could not get into her body. For a moment, she just stood there and tears were rolling down her cheeks. "Jamie – You know what this means to me? The weight of significance it carries?"

"Yes," He started as his hands rested on hers. "May I put it on you?"

"This is a promise, Jamie." She looked seriously into his eyes – the dangerously beautiful eyes she loved so much. Lola needed to be sure he was serious and she met the most serious and decided force in his eyes, as never before.

"I know it. And this is my promise to you, Lola. That I will be with you until I die. After all we are getting married in a week, and I know I want to be with you until death do us part. I want to care for you and hold you, I want to wake at your side for the rest of my life, because there isn't much of a life for me if you're not by my side."

She looked up at him, crying even heavier than before and held up a hand at his worried look. "I'm fine –" She said between sobs. "It's just – I love you so much." She did not know when she had put all her happiness in the hands of someone else, something she had sworn herself she would never do. All her life, the editor had only seen love as possible in novels and dreams and never believe it was fair to put all that responsibility upon someone else. However now she understood that it was not a burden, but a bless such responsibility. She felt it herself whenever she looked into Jamie's eyes or felt his gaze upon her whenever she closed herself in one of her books. She could feel him watching her read for hours and asked herself how he did not get bored, but after a while she noticed she could spend a whole day or even years staring him and his guitar while he wrote songs. "You understand my heart Jamie, like no one ever could before and you love me for it. And I love you even more for that. No –" She took a deep breath. "I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart. For you are my heart. I always thought I wasn't capable of falling in love, but here you are. I always hated girls in books or TV shows who would risk anything for love, but Jamie I would burn the world, explode the universe for you. I would give up anything for you."

At that, her fiancé put the necklace on her and held her tightly, brushing his nose on her neck. "I know." He whispered.

#End of the Flashback#

"Lola –" The girl was taken from her memories as Emma called for her and looked up at her friend. They were flying to the place where the wedding would be and Lola had no idea of where that was. Jamie had rented a private plane for her, just so she would not know. He wanted to surprise her and that only made the girl even more anxious.

"Yes?"

"We are about to reach our destination, so I need to blindfold you." Emma looked more beautiful than ever in her maid of honor's dress. It was a light blue, layered dress, with white roses as the one strip that held it. Emma's hair was as she usually would have it, loosened and spread all over her shoulders. The maid of honor's hair was a tangle of many golden curls that would run free when she moved.

"Fine then, do it." Lola sighed and closed her eyes.

Xxx

Jamie was so nervous that he had felt his stomach drop when he walked down the aisle and the waiting was not helping, he wanted to get married soon. He looked about the room to see if it was as he had wished. He had planned it so well, they were marrying at Blackfriars Bridge. It was not easy, but he managed to have the Bridge reserved in some way for him. Actually Melina had arranged it and he did not know how, but he was afraid to ask – knowing Melina would not hesitate using whatever resorts she could to get what she wanted, especially for Lola as the girl was much like the daughter Melina has never had. Jamie knew how much Lola loved James and how The Infernal Devices was her favorite book. Sometimes he asked himself if he was any competition to all the stories she loved so much and the men in them, who seemed to have her heart so whole. Both he and Lola did not want to marry in a church, so he thought this would be great. He looked at his brother, his best man and took a painful sharp breath. Jamie did not like to wait, although the waiting was partially his fault since he did not want Lola to know where she was going – which took some time to convince her to trust Emma to take over the wedding preparations. Lola was always the control freak and he remembered the torment of convincing her.

#Flashback#

Jamie and Lola had been arguing for hours when Emma finally decided to help him and offer to be responsible for the planning of the ceremony, although the red headed did not seem even the less worried about the whole arrangement.

"Jamie, for the Angel's sake! Are you out of your mind? IT'S MY FREAKING WEDDING DAY! The most important day of my life!" Lola was yelling and her cheeks were red, she had a menacing look on her face and her eyes were burning. Jamie could not help himself and smiled a silly smile, he knew it was silly – he knew he always had a silly expression when looking at her. He just loved to stare at her and his heart would be fulfilled with the most peculiar feelings of love and happiness, even when she was yelling and pacing about in the middle of their living room. "I have to know what's going on and that everything is perfect!"

"Lola, you know me. You don't trust me? I'll help and I won't let him do anything stupid." Emma offered, already losing her temper as well – which was saying something because the girl seemed to be calm all the time.

"I KNOW! But I have to see it, after all it's my wedding and you want to surprise me?"

"Enough!" Jamie finally stood up and he was tired of the whole thing. He walked toward Lola and looked her in the eyes, he knew that if he wanted to convince her, he would have to do better than yelling and fighting over it. He held her hands and took a deep breath. "You said once that the perfect wedding would be when you married me and now it seems like I'm the least important thing to you and the wedding is everything. You also told me you trusted me like you never did anyone before, but it seems you just don't." Emma made an annoyed noise at that, but Lola's expression softened and there was sorrow all over her face and Jamie knew he had won.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I just want it to be perfect for you. But you're right, if it's this important to you that you make me a surprise, I'll step out. I trust you, I'm sorry if I made you believe I don't." She held him by the neck and dug her face in the curve of his neck. "The perfect wedding could be you, me, the judge under an old smelling tree – as long as I have you and you are my soon to be husband."

#End of Flashback#

Jamie was brought to the present by the arrival of Emma's British minivan, she had insisted on using the vehicle to bring Lola to the wedding. The actor could barely breathe and his hands were shaking as they never had before, for there she was. Lola was never a traditional sort of girl, so of course she would never marry in white. Her dress was strapless, golden and straight. He knew she would never marry in a traditional princess white dress. The dark gold of her dress only made the girls' skin tone pop out and her brown eyes as well. The girl's red hair was made up, with some stranded curls that were probably turned into curls by Emma. As his fiancée neared him, Jamie felt as though his heart would leave him and his stomach would drown itself. Lola seemed just as nervous as he felt, what – oddly – made the actor feel a little less nervous. The girl had asked Melina to walk with her down the aisle but Melina could not make it, she was very ill and Lola would not have anyone else doing it. Therefore, she walked herself down the aisle and Jamie could only grin at the thought. She got to him, and smiling nervously, took his arm.

"You will pay me for that James Bower." She whispered, smiling and a little breathless.

"You did not like it?" He asked as they turned to the judge.

She did not answer and the judge began the ceremony. When the time of the vows came, Jamie was the first. He did not prepare anything, he knew whatever he said would never express the way he felt accurately.

"We met seven years ago and I loved you right there and then, with you under me." Lola laughed in between tears and soft sobs. The girl's hands shaking terribly in Jamie's, as he was sure his were as well. "I'm nervous, I'm not gonna lie. But it's not because I'm afraid or anything, it's because I am so anxious and looking terribly forward to be your husband and grow old with you. I've ever believed in love and happy endings and I looked for it, everyone knows how much. Until I met you, I love you, I have always loved you and I always will. And I can only hope to give you everything you so deserve and want. I hope to make your life just as happy as you made mine. For I cannot bear to see you unhappy. I know it's cliché, so be it, but you understand me and only you make me believe in myself as I never did before. You make the sun shine brighter and the moon look more beautiful than ever. You made me see beauty in midst suffering; you made me grow into myself. And I can't imagine someone who could possibly love someone else the way I love you, Lola. Because it's not possible for a tiny heart to bear such feeling within it. I don't even know how I can love you so much without my heart dying. Somehow I think your love makes it strong enough. And I vow to be with you forever. You and me, always. Always."

By the time Jamie was finished with his vow, Lola had to ask for some water to compose herself and then she turned back to him and held his hands again. Her eyes shone as he had never seen them shine.

"I'm not as good with words as you are, but I may say I feel the exactly same way about you. People are always saying how songs remind them of their significant other. Every song does. But, Jamie, although romantic songs make me think of you, I do have one that will always make me thing of you, because you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter and you truly are the best thing that's ever been mine. Actually, you are the best thing period." And now Jamie was crying and he felt so stupid and happy at the same time. "We have been through so much. And we have our fights and problems, because living together leads to an intimacy that is often what ruins things, but for us it didn't. I was so afraid it would, but we were really meant for each other. Do you remember our first kiss?" He nodded. "From the moment I knew I would never be able to kiss anyone else ever again, let alone allow another hand to touch me." She started to close the space between them, staring deeply into his eyes and Jamie shivered. "I didn't think I would ever have my fairy tale and that happily ever after only happened in fictional stories. I had spent years wishing for a Rory or a Jem. But I got you and they could never compare to you. You made me trust you, you made me have faith in love and you made me whole. I don't care if I sound cheesy or self-deprecating. I have you, that's all I need. Together or not at all."

And the judge asked them to exchange rings.

"Husband and wife, you may –"

Jamie could not hold back any longer and pushed Lola to him, she laughed and then they were kissing and everyone was cheering. When they broke off, the girl slapped him on one shoulder.

"Jamie –" She whispered.

"What?"

She looked into his eyes, hers full of love and happiness. "I do love you **much** more than I love Doctor Who."


End file.
